Lord Wellington sings Gilbert and Sullivan follows on directly from my previous post, where Sir Home Popham got the Major-General treatment and came about because of a request from a friend who demanded why Popham got a song and not Wellington. Luckily, this song is very adaptable. This is a reminder of how the original sounds. I hope Wellington fans enjoy it…
Lord Wellington sings Gilbert and Sullivan
I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Sabugal, in order categorical
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters that are tactical,
I understand all strategy both theory and practical
On managing in line and square I’m teeming with a lot o’ news
While skirmishing light infantry I’m known to have a lot of views
I’m very good at reading ground and knowing where to put my troops
And baffling the enemy no matter how well he regroups
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
I know about intelligence and how to plan a great campaign
I’m good at march and counter-march and knowing to retreat again
Political manoeuvring is something that I’m noted for
And when I write a letter it is something that they can’t ignore
I never let my generals believe that they can get away,
With too much independence, I prefer they do it all my way
And if they don’t obey my orders, I’m prepared to let them know
I know it might upset them but that’s just the way it has to go
I don’t mind riding roughshod over those who don’t agree with me
I know what I am doing and I’m sure in time they’ll come to see
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
In fact, when I know what is meant by “please apply some tact”
When I can show artillery officers some more respect
When I can treat the HQ staff as if they have intelligence
And give the Horse Guards officers some credit for a little sense
When I can learn to trust the men who’ve showed me they can do the job
When I can accept talent and remember not to be a snob
When I stop writing letters without thinking about how they sound
And try to think how my remarks affect the people on the ground
For my military knowledge, though it’s up there with the best of them
My habit of making rude remarks is one that I should overcome
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.