The Pressed Man

I wrote the Pressed Man in 2021. It was part of Paul van Daan’s back story that he was illegally pressed into the Royal Navy when he was fourteen. It’s mentioned a number of times in both series and several readers had asked me if I would ever write the story of Paul’s days in the navy.

I was always non-committal about it, mainly because I wasn’t sure how I could manage it. Paul’s boyhood spell in the Royal Navy was a formative period in his life, but readers of the novels will also know that it was very traumatic in places. When I write about Paul, I find it easy to get inside his head but on this occasion I wasn’t sure that I should be there.

I think I would have continued to dodge it indefinitely if it were not for my friend and editor, Heather Paisley. Having heard some of my ideas about Paul’s brief navy career, she nagged me ruthlessly to at least write the story for her, even if I didn’t publish it. She always wanted to know where a posh boy came up with the endearment ‘Bonny Lass’ for the love of his life – an epithet often associated with ‘Geordies’: hailing from the area around Newcastle upon Tyne.

Once I began writing it, everything fell into place. When Paul first tells Anne about what happened to him as a boy, he briefly mentions the ship’s Bosun who had taken him under his wing. From there came the character of Geordie Armstrong, one of the most important influences in the young Van Daan’s life.

The Pressed Man

April, 1797

The wind began to pick up ten days after leaving Antigua, following a week of depressing calm. The crew were restless, the Captain morose and the Boatswain, who had been wishing for months that Captain Dalton had not been appointed to command HMS Hera, awoke to an unaccustomed noise from the men’s quarters. The bell had not sounded, so something was clearly wrong. Geordie Armstrong groaned and swung his legs over the edge of the narrow bunk he shared with his wife.

“What is it, my dear?”

“No bloody idea, Janet. Stay there, bonny lass, it’s freezing.”

His wife ignored him and got up, reaching for her gown.

“It can’t be far off the bell, lad and you’ll want your tea. I’ll get to the galley while you find out.”

Geordie stepped to one side to let her reach her shawl. A private cabin was one of the many perks of being Bosun, but it was small, especially for two people. He and Janet had shared such cabins for so many years that they were now expert in moving around it without getting in each other’s way, like the carefully learned steps of a well-known dance. Outside on the wooden companionway they parted, Janet on her way to the galley for hot water, while Geordie made his way down to the lower deck where the crew slung their hammocks.

It was not yet light, but someone had lit a few lanterns. Most of the men were up, in various states of undress, huddling together talking in small, uneasy groups. Nobody had given an order yet, probably because it was too early for the bell. Geordie took out his pocket watch and saw that it was thirty minutes to first bell. He debated with himself. He could pipe for the removal of hammocks then send them about their usual business early, which would get them out of the way, but he knew Captain Dalton loathed even the slightest deviation from routine and he was reluctant to have the argument without knowing what had happened first.

“Bosun. Pipe up hammocks and send a message to the galley. I know it’s early, but we need to get them moving.”

Geordie obeyed, dying of curiosity. He had a lot of respect for First Lieutenant Daniel Eaton, and he knew he would find out in time. It was clear that something unusual had disturbed the crew, but Geordie could not imagine what.

He was too busy during the next hour and a half for speculation. Returning to his cabin, he found that Janet had tea ready for him and he gulped it down gratefully, then set off on his inspection of the rigging. Rashford, the ship’s carpenter, was inspecting the gunports, hatches and boats and Sharpe, the gunner, checked the guns. The three men met at seven-thirty in Captain Dalton’s day cabin to make their reports. They found Lieutenant Torbin, the officer of the watch, already there. Dalton listened in stony silence to Tobin’s report and when Torbin saluted to indicate he had finished, Dalton said:

“Haven’t you missed something, Mr Torbin? What was that God-awful racket that brought me from my bed early?”

Torbin, who was red-haired and had a very fair complexion, went scarlet and saluted again. “Yes, sir. Sorry, sir, it’s just that Lieutenant Eaton said he would report to you about that: he’ll be here any minute.”

“Well unless he’s invisible, he’s not here now. What happened?”

Torbin gulped nervously. “There was a death, sir. Among the crew.”

“Death? Death? What kind of death? Fever? Cholera? By God, if that bunch of scurvy louts we picked up on Antigua have brought sickness aboard my ship, I’ll throw them overboard.”

“Not fever, sir,” Torbin said, in agonised tones. His awkwardness was painful to watch, and Geordie was desperately trying to think of a way of rescuing him without drawing Dalton’s fire himself, when there was a knock on the door and First Lieutenant Eaton entered, saluting.

“Ha, there you are. What’s going on? Torbin is blathering about a death in the night. Is that good enough reason to disturb my sleep at that hour?”

“My apologies, Captain,” Eaton said politely. Geordie hid a smile. Eaton’s unruffled manner made him the best first officer Geordie had ever sailed under, but he knew it infuriated Dalton who was rude, bad-tempered and incompetent and seemed to find Eaton’s placidity a personal insult. “Perhaps I should wait until these gentlemen have given their reports.”

“No, they can bloody wait. What happened? Who died?”

“It was Mackay, sir.”

“Mackay?” Dalton sounded surprised, probably because he knew the man. Dalton did not bother to learn the names of most of the crew, but Mackay had sailed with him for many years. He had been in his forties, a big man from Inverness who was an excellent seaman and an inveterate drunk. “What happened; did he fall out of his hammock onto his head?”

“He was murdered, sir.”

“Murdered?” Dalton froze and sat for a while, his mouth hanging open in surprise. Geordie shared his astonishment. He had been at sea since he was ten-years-old, almost thirty years, and he had never heard of a murder on board. There had been one or two deaths after a fight which had been tried as murder, but nothing worse.

After a long time, Dalton spoke again. “Eaton, I want the full story now. The rest of you, out. You can make your reports later.”

Geordie left and went in search of breakfast with Janet. After the meal he went up to the quarterdeck and smoked a pipe while watching the ship’s marines on their morning parade. He was not disappointed. Just after nine o’clock, as they were beginning drill practice, Lieutenant Eaton appeared and came to join him at the rail. He lit his own pipe and stood smoking in silence.

“The surgeon is inspecting the body at the moment,” he said finally. “He’ll write up a medical report for the Captain and we’ll bury him later today.”

“Aye, sir. Do we know what happened? I mean is there any doubt?”

Eaton shot him a sideways look. “Able Seaman Mackay was found in a dark corner of the hold with his throat slit from ear to ear. Not much doubt.”

“Holy Mary. Anyone suspected?”

“Yes. We’ve arrested one of the new men we picked up in Antigua. He was out of his berth without leave or reason.”

“Any other signs? There must have been blood.”

“Oh there would have been, and that’s what’s suspicious. It seems this man fell overboard with all his clothes on.”

Geordie was startled. “In the dark? How the devil did they find him? And why didn’t I hear the call?”

“There was no call. Nobody saw or heard him go over. His story is that he felt sick and went up for air, came over dizzy and went over the side. He was lucky enough to be near the ladder and the shock of the water woke him up fast. He grabbed hold and pulled himself up.”

“I’m surprised the watch didn’t shoot him.”

“He’d the presence of mind to call up as he was climbing, to identify himself. They pulled him in and hauled him before the watch officer, who was just ordering him put in irons for roaming the ship without permission when they found Mackay’s body.”

“It looks suspicious, sir, no question. But why the hell would anyone kill Mackay?”

Eaton did not speak for a long time. Eventually he said:

“Don’t be bloody naïve, Bosun.”

Geordie felt an odd little lurch in his gut. “Christ,” he said softly. “Do you think that perverted bastard finally went after someone big enough to give him what he deserved?”

“I didn’t tell you the whole,” Eaton said flatly. “They found him dead in a corner. The slash was huge, he’d have bled out in minutes. But whoever killed him cut off his balls and stuffed them in his mouth. I don’t think there’s any doubt why he died.”

Geordie felt sick. “Who could do that? And why?”

“I don’t know, Bosun, but I’m guessing it’s to make a point that any other man who tries buggering the boys is going to get the same. I don’t know if there’s anyone else on this ship who shares Mackay’s nasty habits with the young ones, but if there is, I think he’ll keep it in his trousers from now on.”

“Bloody hell.” Geordie considered himself unshockable, but admitted to himself that he had been wrong. “I wonder what made this man set himself up to defend the ship’s boys? It’s a reet shame he’s like to hang for it; that bastard Mackay has had it coming for years. I’ve only served with him on this one voyage, and I’ve been haunting him ever since young Price went overboard and drowned. It was down as an accident, but the whole crew knew Mackay had been at him for months. I couldn’t get him to testify.”

“You can’t blame him, Bosun. Sodomy is a capital crime, and if Mackay were brought to trial he could easily claim the boy consented.”

“It’s impossible to prove anyway as there have to be witnesses to every detail. I didn’t blame Price, he couldn’t hide from Mackay forever, and he’d have got a good hiding on top of everything else. I tried talking to the Captain about it.”

“Several of us tried, Bosun, but Captain Dalton simply said that Mackay was an excellent and very experienced seaman and that’s all he cared about. I’m not sorry the man is gone; it infuriated me knowing he was getting away with it. But it will be a shame if this boy gets hanged for defending himself.”

“Boy?” Geordie said, startled. “It’s one of the boys?”

“Fourteen or fifteen years old at a guess. I’ve had nothing to do with him so far. He was picked up with the rest of the crew of that shipwrecked merchantman. All the others did the sensible thing and signed up as volunteers, but this boy refused to do so. He’s a pressed man, and Marshall, who’s the petty officer in charge of his mess, says he’s been difficult from the start. At best, he’ll get a flogging for being where he shouldn’t be. At worst, they’ll hang him.”

“But no blood on his clothing,” Geordie said softly.

“A few stains that might be, but we can’t be sure. If he went in before it dried, chances are there wouldn’t be.”

“Clever little bastard.”

***

Prisoners awaiting trial were kept in irons in the half-deck, an area beneath the quarterdeck which was covered but not fully enclosed. It was used partly for storage, but there were often one or two prisoners chained up to heavy metal rings set into the bulkhead. Discipline aboard ship was largely Geordie’s responsibility, with the help of his bosun’s mates, so when he had given his delayed report to the Captain, he gave instructions to his juniors, made a tour of the ship checking that all was well, then went to inspect the accused. The boy was the only prisoner chained there, a leggy form huddled against the wooden wall in an attempt to keep out of the brisk wind. His clothing was still very damp, the regulation loose trousers, rough shirt and blue jacket clinging to his body. His tousled fair head was bowed, and his arms wrapped around his knees. He was visibly shivering, and Geordie swore under his breath.

“On your feet, boy.”

The boy looked up, giving Geordie a glimpse of startling blue eyes, then unwrapped himself and got to his feet in one smooth movement. He stood straight, tall for a boy of his age but still heartbreakingly young. Geordie looked him over curiously. He looked well-nourished when compared to the skinny children who often came into the navy from poor households and although he kept his eyes lowered to the deck, he bore himself with a certain arrogance which aroused Geordie’s curiosity even more. Listening to Mr Eaton’s bloodthirsty tale, Geordie had doubted that any boy of this age could undertake the murder of Jemmy Mackay then endure the freezing waters of the Atlantic. Looking at this boy, Geordie was suddenly not so sure.

“What’s your name?”

The boy looked up. “Van Daan. Paul van Daan.”

Geordie did not respond for a minute. The voice was surprising and raised immediate alarm bells. He had served, during his time, alongside men of all nationalities and all social classes. It was not at all unusual for a young gentleman of this age to join the navy, initially as an officer’s servant, and then as a midshipman, with a view to taking the lieutenant’s examination and becoming an officer. Geordie recognised this boy’s accent, and it did not come from any fisherman’s cottage or dockyard slum. He was beginning to wonder why this boy was below decks as a pressed man.

“Van Daan? That’s not an English name.”

“My father is Dutch; I was born and raised in England.”

The alarm bells were growing louder. Geordie often supervised the signing on of new crew, but the dozen pressed men picked up during their stop at English Harbour had been from the crew of a shipwrecked merchantman. They were obvious targets for the press gang; all were experienced seamen and Geordie had seen no need to get involved. He had a feeling he should have.

Geordie reached for his whistle and summoned one of his bosun’s mates. “Smith, let the watch officer know I’m taking Van Daan below to Janet for a spell. He’s injured and he’s still soaked, and he needs feeding. I’ll return him when he’s fit and I’ll speak to the Captain later to see what charges he’s bringing, if any. Unchain him.”

Smith moved forward readily, but shot Geordie a wary look. “You sure, Bosun? You want to watch this one, he’s like a wild thing. Pushed Marine Bennet right off the dock when they was bringing him aboard and punched the lights out of Snyder when he used his cane on him. Snyder had to give him half a dozen of the best before he went down.”

Geordie studied the boy. He still had the over-long limbs of boyhood, but he had the grace of an athlete and Geordie wondered if he boxed. Geordie had been a very good boxer in his youth and still entered the odd bout during shore leave, just to keep in practice. He was glad of Smith’s warning. Pointedly, he drew the baton he wore at his waist.

“You try that with me, laddie, and you’ll be back in irons with a couple of buckets of cold water over you and a thumping headache to go with it,” he said.

The irons clanked as they were removed and Van Daan flexed his wrists in relief and rubbed them. “What would be the point out here?” he asked. “There’s nowhere to run.”

There was something about the bald truth of that statement which tugged at Geordie’s heart unexpectedly. He motioned for Van Daan to follow him and led the way to the galley. At this hour the huge stove was roaring, and the ship’s cook and his assistants were busy over the main meal. A savoury smell reminded Geordie of how hungry he was. It was almost dinner time and the Captain and the master would be on the quarterdeck taking the noon sight.

There was a wooden bench and table outside Geordie’s cabin which was located in the bow of the ship. Geordie indicated that Van Daan should sit. He opened his mouth to warn the boy again about the consequences of moving, then caught his eye and stopped himself. He did not know why, but he was absolutely certain Van Daan would simply remind him again that he had nowhere to go.

“Janet, are you there, bonny lass?”

“Aye, where else would I be at this hour?” Janet opened the door, a shirt she was mending in her hand, and surveyed the prisoner thoughtfully. The boy stared back.

“And who’s this half-drowned rat you’ve brought for dinner, husband?”

Geordie opened his mouth to explain, but the boy was on his feet and the bow he executed chilled Geordie to the bone. “My apologies, ma’am, I had something of an accident in the small hours. I was feeling sick and leaned over too far. It’s lucky I’m a strong swimmer. Paul van Daan. Pressed man.”

Geordie saw his wife give the youth a long sweeping glance, then she smiled. Janet was a very comely woman with a lovely smile. To Geordie’s complete astonishment, the boy smiled back. “And a bit of a drowned-rat,” he said apologetically.

Geordie put his hand on Van Daan’s shoulder and shoved him back onto the bench. “Will you have a look at that gash on his hand, bonny lass, while I get some dry clothes from the slops for him? He might be about to hang for murder and he’s definitely due a flogging, but we can’t have him freezing to death, it’s not in the regulations. He can eat dinner here with us and warm up a bit and then he’ll need to go back where he should be.”

“Thank you,” Van Daan said. “It’s very good of you, sir.”

“Not sir, laddie. I’m not a commissioned officer: you should call me Bosun.”

“Sorry, Bosun.”

“And try and pretend to do it respectfully, you arrogant little shit. Do you know how much trouble you’re in?”

“Yes, Bosun.”

Geordie studied him, grunted, and disappeared to find clothing. He allowed the boy to change in the cabin, while Janet set the table and went to collect the food. As Van Daan emerged, Geordie ran his eyes over him, and the boy held out his arms at his sides.

“I’ve not stolen anything, I swear, you can search me. I’m not that stupid. Like you said, I’m in enough trouble.”

Geordie could not help smiling. “Oh sit you down and drink your grog. Here’s my lass with the food. Eat.”

Geordie watched the boy covertly as he ate, while telling Janet about the events of the morning. He did not give the full details of Mackay’s murder, but he could see she was still shocked. Van Daan did not look up from his meal, eating stew with the concentration of a boy who had not eaten for a while.

“I just stopped for a chat with Petty Officer Marshall about you, Van Daan,” Geordie said, when the bowl was empty. “He says you’ve not made a good start aboard the Hera. You’ve barely gone a day without a punishment in the log. Insolence, abusing your seniors, fighting in the mess.”

“If I didn’t fight, I wouldn’t eat, Bosun.”

Geordie eyed him with reluctant respect. “Aye, there’s probably something in that, lad, they’ll steal your rations if you let them. But to put another boy in the sickbay for two days…”

“He had a knife. But I did hit him too hard. I was…I got angry.”

Geordie wondered if he had been about to say that he was scared. He glanced at Janet, who got up. “I’ll get you some more,” she said, sounding alarmingly maternal. “If you’ve been fighting over every meal, it’ll make a nice change to sit and eat like a decent human being.”

Van Daan looked up quickly and smiled. “Oh it does, ma’am. But please, I don’t want to put you out.”

“It’s no trouble for a lad with manners like yours,” Janet said, and bustled away. Van Daan’s smile faded, and Geordie thought that without it he looked very young and very lost. He wondered again what the hell this boy was doing below decks as a pressed man.

“All right, laddie,” he said gruffly. “You’ve been fed, and you’ve had your grog. At least…you’ve barely touched it. Don’t you want it?”

The boy gave a somewhat embarrassed smile. “I can’t stand it,” he said frankly. “I’d rather have water, actually.”

Geordie studied him, then sighed. He got up, went into his cabin, and returned with a bottle and two glasses. Setting them on the table he poured.

“Sip it,” he said shortly. “This is not rum grog.”

Van Daan picked up the glass and sniffed suspiciously at the amber coloured liquid. “What is it?”

“Scotch whisky, laddie. Comes from a little distillery just over the border from where I grew up. My sister sends it to me from time to time. Try it.”

Van Daan took a sip. Geordie watched his expression. He swallowed and coughed a little as the peaty spirit caught in his throat then looked up. “That’s excellent.”

“Spoken like a connoisseur,” Geordie said ironically. Janet was back, setting another plate in front of the boy, along with a chunk of dark bread.

“I need to turn the laundry, husband, so I’ll leave you to it,” she said, with her accustomed tact. Van Daan got to his feet with instinctive courtesy. Janet studied him for a moment.

“Eat,” she said. “You’ll need your strength for whatever comes next. And then talk to my husband, tell him the truth, and listen to his advice. He’s a good man.”

The boy offered his charming smile again and Geordie decided that he was glad Van Daan was not ten years older. “Thank you for your kindness, ma’am. Whatever happens, I won’t forget it.”

When Janet had gone, Van Daan returned to his meal. Geordie finished his grog, since it should not go to waste, then sipped his whisky and waited for the boy to finish. He was looking better, with more colour in his cheeks, and the fair hair had dried to a dark gold: shoulder length and tied back with a grubby strip of linen. Eventually, Van Daan set his spoon down.

“That’s the most I’ve eaten since I came on board. Worth getting hanged for. Thank you, sir…I mean, Bosun.”

“Tell me what happened?”

“I already told the Lieutenant. There’s not much to tell. I felt sick. I’m over it mostly during the day, but sometimes at night…I went up on deck because it’s not civil to cast up accounts where men are sleeping.”

“You’re not allowed to wander around the ship at night, boy, they must have told you that.”

“I’d forgotten, I was feeling so ill. Anyway, I must have had a dizzy spell and gone over. Thank God I didn’t hit my head on the way down or I’d have drowned.”

The blue eyes were limpid and innocent. Geordie studied him. Despite his height and surprising air of self-assurance, this was still very much a boy. Geordie thought again about what had happened to Mackay. He could imagine this lad striking out in self-defence, but the cold-blooded killing and mutilation of a man seemed beyond him. At the same time, his story sounded carefully rehearsed rather than natural. Geordie had sent his bosun’s mates to make enquiries among the crew and there was no evidence of anybody else being away from his proper place at that time.

“You must be a very strong swimmer,” Geordie said.

“I am. I learned in the lake as a boy.”

“Which lake?”

“At Southwinds, where I grew up. It’s in Leicestershire.”

“How did you cut your hand?”

“It must have been when I was trying to grab the ladder from the water.”

“A thin cut for a splinter. Almost looked like a knife.”

“No, I’d have remembered if I’d cut it on a knife.”

“You bloody liar,” Geordie said softly. “You killed him, didn’t you?”

“No, Bosun.”

“Well somebody killed him and cut his balls off. Now why?”

“I don’t know, Bosun.”

“Don’t you? I bloody do. Able Seaman Mackay had some very nasty habits with the younger boys aboard ship. I’ve been trying to get somebody to speak up about it for months. One young lad, a boy called Harry Price, drowned himself a few months back, and I’ve always wondered if it was because he couldn’t stand it any longer. What do you think, Van Daan?”

Paul van Daan looked back at him. He had flushed a little, but to Geordie’s surprise he neither turned away nor dropped his gaze, although Geordie could see that his fists had clenched together until the knuckles were white.

“I don’t know what to think, Bosun, I wasn’t there when Price drowned himself. But do you know what? I wish I fucking had been.”

The obscenity sounded odd in Van Daan’s well-spoken accent, but his tone told Geordie everything he needed to know. Reaching for the bottle, he poured another shot into each glass.

“What did he do to you, Van Daan?”

“Nothing, Bosun.”

“What did he try to do?”

“Nothing, Bosun. I never met Able Seaman Mackay.”

Van Daan reached for the glass. Geordie watched as he inhaled the rich aroma of the whisky and swirled it around the glass a little before sipping it appreciatively. Somebody had taught this boy how to enjoy good wine or good brandy.

“You’re a bad liar, Van Daan.”

“I’ve been told that before, Bosun.”

“Don’t you know they could hang you for this?”

“Don’t they have to prove it?”

Geordie met his eyes for a long time. He was fascinated by Van Daan’s odd blend of boyish vulnerability and adult intelligence. During his years at sea Geordie had come across a lot of boys of this age, but he had never encountered one quite like this.

Finally he reached for his own glass. “Let’s try a different question. What the bloody hell are you doing here, boy? For one thing are you even old enough to be pressed? And secondly, from your voice and your manner, you’re not a common seaman.”

“No. I’ll probably need to work on that if I’m going to survive the next few months.”

“Who are you?”

“I told you. Paul van Daan.”

“Your family?”

“My father owns a shipping company.”

Geordie stared at him very hard for a while. The boy’s gaze did not waver. Eventually, Geordie said:

“You’re a gentleman’s son?”

“Yes. And I’m almost fifteen. Not quite old enough to be pressed, but close.”

“Did you tell them that?”

“Do I look stupid? Of course I did. Repeatedly. Then I hit people and tried to escape. That didn’t work either.”

Geordie closed his eyes. “Oh shit. Somebody is going to be very sorry for this.”

“Yes, they are.”

Geordie opened his eyes at the tone. Abruptly he was absolutely sure Van Daan had killed Mackay. Geordie suspected he also knew what had been done to him to drive him to commit such an appalling crime. He understood why Van Daan refused to talk about it. Geordie could only imagine the terror of a gently-bred boy thrown into a situation so far removed from the life he was used to. Mackay’s assault, coming before Van Daan had time to even begin to adjust, would have been enough to break most boys. Geordie wondered what it would take to break this particular youth and hoped passionately he was not about to find out.

“Bosun. Captain wants to see you.”

Geordie sighed. “I’d be willing to bet it’s about you, you troublesome wee bastard. Finish that drink and get up.”

Van Daan obeyed, getting to his feet. “If I can stand. It’s stronger than I’m used to.”

“You’ll need to get yourself a stronger head and stomach if you’re going to survive the navy, laddie.”

“You might not have to worry about that for much longer,” Van Daan said. It was a creditable effort, but Geordie could hear the tremor in his voice. He silently applauded the boy. Only a fool would claim not to be afraid when faced with a hanging, but this slender youth was controlling it very well, and Geordie knew that in the noise of battle or the screaming height of a storm at sea, that was what mattered. He regarded Van Daan and decided to be honest.

“You’re going to get hanged or flogged, Van Daan. I’m going to the Captain and I’m going to tell him the truth about you. I’m also going to try to convince him that a young sprig of the gentry couldn’t possibly slit a man’s throat and mutilate the body. That won’t be difficult because until today, I wouldn’t have thought it myself. But Captain Dalton’s an awkward man and I can’t tell what he’ll do.”

“It’s all right, sir. I mean Bosun. Just…thank you for this. Thank Mrs Armstrong as well, will you? Whatever happens, I’m grateful.”

Geordie studied him, troubled. “No point in asking you why in God’s name you did it that way, I suppose. Given that you didn’t do it.”

“Is it bothering you?” Van Daan said unexpectedly. “I’m sorry. Look…your wife said I should trust you, but I don’t know you yet, it would be stupid. So I didn’t do it. But if you want me to guess, I’d say the man who did it was pretty sure Mackay hadn’t done that for the last time. Maybe he could have found another way to protect himself. I don’t know what’s possible, I’ve not been here long.”

“I know. You poor little bastard, you don’t know your head from your heels, do you? And then this. But Christ, to mutilate him like that…”

“Once again, Bosun, I can only guess,” Van Daan said gravely. “I don’t know how common it is in this navy for a man to do what he did and get away with it for years. How many boys, I wonder? He needed stopping. Not just for one attack but for all the others he was going to do in the future. And if there’s any other perverted bastard aboard this ship thinking about doing the same thing, I don’t think he’ll be in any doubt about what’s going to happen to him if he does. Maybe you don’t think that’s worth risking a hanging. Maybe I don’t. But I can tell you for sure that whoever killed him did.”

Geordie suspected that was the closest he was ever going to get to an admission from this boy. Van Daan’s reasoning made terrifying sense given what had happened to him, although Geordie was still astonished that a lad of not quite fifteen had not only come up with the plan but carried it through. He felt oddly flattered that Van Daan had admitted even this much. Geordie reached for his whistle to summon one of his mates. Derbyshire was in his twenties and of medium height and watching them walk away, back to the half-deck, Geordie realised Van Daan was already as tall and probably still had a few years of growing to do. He hoped the boy survived long enough.

***

Geordie found Lieutenant Eaton with Captain Dalton. The Captain was in a foul temper, which was very common. He barked out questions and Geordie responded, keeping his answers short and factual. When he had finished, Dalton sat back in his chair.

“Did he do it?”

“I don’t think so, sir,” Geordie said without hesitation. “He’s a tall lad, but he’s very young and Mackay was a big man. Besides, I don’t think a boy from his background could do what was done. I don’t think it would occur to him.”

“He was the only man away from his hammock.”

“The only one who was caught, sir, but a murderer would be canny enough to sneak back to his place without being seen.”

“What about the blood?” Eaton asked. “He’d have been covered in it.”

“He could have changed. It’s not impossible that he’d purloined spare clouts from somewhere. Dumped the bloody clothing over the side in the dark, sluiced himself down with a bucket of water and got back to bed. Nobody searched, sir, because everybody thought we’d got our man.”

“Damn it, I still think he’s guilty,” Dalton snarled. “He should be hanged.”

“I think he’d get off at a trial, Captain,” Eaton said quietly. “No witnesses and no evidence. They searched his hammock and the few possessions he has. No knife, no bloody clothing. Nobody saw or heard anything apart from Van Daan scrambling back up onto deck half-drowned. He’s a landsman and a pressed man, it’s not impossible to believe he was seasick and fell overboard.”

“Well who the hell killed Mackay?” Dalton roared. “What if he does it again? What if he kills an officer? What if he kills me?”

Geordie met Eaton’s eyes and looked away quickly, suppressing a snort of unsuitable laughter. “I don’t think that’s likely sir,” Eaton said gravely. “It seems pretty obvious that whoever did this was either a victim of Mackay’s unsavoury practices or a friend of a victim. He’s gone. No reason to kill again.”

Dalton did not reply. He was looking down at a log book. Eventually he looked up. “Well that little bastard isn’t getting away with this. I’m ordering a flogging.”

“What’s the charge, Captain?”

“Being bloody annoying,” Dalton said.

“That’s not actually a crime, Captain,” Eaton said patiently.

“Although with this lad, it probably should be,” Geordie said, mostly under his breath.

“Well he’s been in the punishment book every day since he got here, and he was bloody well out of his hammock when he shouldn’t have been. Maybe fifty of the best will teach him a lesson. See to it, Bosun, tomorrow.”

Geordie froze and looked at Eaton. The First Lieutenant stared back. Neither spoke. A captain could only order twelve lashes without a formal trial. It was not unheard of for a captain to order more, and within reason, it would be quietly ignored, but fifty was too many.

“Sir, we’d need a trial for that. And besides, you can only use the cane on him, he’s fourteen.”

“He commits a man’s crime, he gets a man’s punishment, Mr Eaton. Anyway, I don’t believe he’s fourteen, any more than I believe the rest of that nonsensical story he told you.”

Geordie looked again at Eaton. “Look, sir, I really believe this boy has been pressed illegally. I talked with him for a long time and it’s obvious he’s well-spoken and educated. I don’t think he should be here.”

“He’s taken you for a fool, Bosun. He’s a practiced liar and probably a thief.”

Geordie could feel his temper rising. He opened his mouth to speak then closed it again at a very tiny shake of the head from Eaton.

“Whatever the boy has or hasn’t done, Captain, I think it would be a mistake to administer as many as fifty without a formal trial,” Eaton said. “It is up to you of course, but even if the boy is over fourteen, he is still young, and we do not know his state of health. If anything should go wrong, I am afraid you could lay yourself open to serious criticism.”

“I am the captain of this ship and I will not be held to ransom against the word of a dirty little ragamuffin with a fluent tongue!” Dalton exploded. “Flog him. Thirty lashes, and with the cat, not the cane, during the punishment hour tomorrow. As for this pack of lies about being a gentleman, I want to hear nothing more of it. Get out of here.”

Outside, Eaton beckoned for Geordie to follow him to the starboard rail. “You need to stop pushing him about an illegal impressment, Bosun.”

“Talk to that boy for ten minutes, sir, and you’ll agree.”

“I believe you. But for the boy’s sake, you need to shut up about it. It’s recorded in the log that the boy protested his impressment. Dalton failed to listen, he failed to investigate, and he took that boy to sea in the full knowledge that his impressment might well be illegal, because he was drunk, and he didn’t care.”

“That’s no surprise to me, sir.”

“Or me. But if it turns out that young Van Daan really is the son of a man of influence, and he makes it out of here in one piece, it could mean the end of Dalton’s career. I would rather Dalton didn’t work that out.”

Geordie felt suddenly very cold. He turned his head. “You don’t think he would…?”

“I don’t know what he’d do. I’ve served under him for five months and the minute I get the chance, I am leaving this ship. I don’t care if I have to go onto half-pay, or take a post as a second lieutenant again, I’m not working under that man.”

“I don’t blame you, sir. I’ve been with the Hera a long time, but if he doesn’t go, I might.”

“A bosun of your experience won’t have any trouble finding another ship, Armstrong. It might take me longer, but I don’t care.”

“Can’t we get a letter out to his father?”

“Not without Dalton knowing. He should write one, though, and I’ll take charge of it. If we’re in port, I predict that boy stands no chance of leaving this ship even if he does sign up as a volunteer. But I might be able to send it off.”

“If you’re right about the Captain, that won’t help, sir,” Geordie said. “Because if the boy’s father goes to the Admiralty about getting him back, they’re going to write to Captain Dalton directly, asking him about it. All he has to do is make sure Van Daan has an accident and is buried at sea and then he can throw up his hands and claim he knew nothing about it. Without the boy to speak up, who will care?”

“Dear God, you’re right.”

“The only thing we can do is pretend we all believe the Captain, let him flog the boy and say nothing more about it. After a few weeks of quiet, the Captain will have convinced himself the boy was nothing but a liar and a troublemaker and as long as Van Daan stays out of trouble, he’ll forget about him. When we reach a port with an English consulate, we can get him ashore and out of Dalton’s reach.”

Eaton looked troubled. “How the hell are you going to manage to persuade that lad to keep quiet and keep his head down, Bosun?”

Geordie had already made the decision. “I’m going to tell him the truth,” he said.

***

Geordie brought the boy into the small cabin and closed the door to have the conversation, stationing his wife on the bench outside in case of eavesdroppers. It felt ridiculous to be taking such precautions aboard ship, but Eaton’s words had convinced Geordie.

Van Daan sat at the opposite end of the bunk and listened without saying a word as Geordie related what had happened and repeated his conversation with Lieutenant Eaton. At the end of it, he sat in silence for so long that Geordie wondered if it had, after all, been wrong to speak to such a young boy as though he was an adult.

Eventually Van Daan stirred and looked up. “What do I need to do?” he asked.

Geordie caught his breath and realised that he had not, after all, got it wrong. “Take the flogging,” he said bluntly. “I can’t get you out of it, and it’s bloody painful, lad. I’m sorry. You don’t deserve this.”

Van Daan sat silently for a moment, staring at his linked fingers in his lap. Then he looked up. “To some degree, I do, Bosun.”

Geordie could not help smiling. “Is that a confession, lad?”

“Oh no.”

“I didn’t think so. I’ll take care of you, you’ll be all right, and Mr Eaton will make sure it doesn’t go too far. After that, I’m going to get you signed up as a volunteer. I want you to behave. Keep your head down, do as you’re told and stop demanding to be taken to the nearest English port.”

“Will that work?”

“The Captain’s not that bright, laddie. If you stay out of trouble he’ll forget about you. I don’t know how long it will take, but eventually me and Mr Eaton will find a way to get you off this ship. I wish I could do better, but for now Dalton is in charge and you’re a long way from home.”

“I’m sorry, I’m causing you a lot of trouble and you’ve been very good about it. I understand, and I’ll do the best I can.”

Geordie studied him. “What does that mean?”

“Only that I’m not that good at keeping my head down. I’m not sure I can manage it for that long. But I think I know what to do to fit in better. So don’t worry.”

***

Geordie had both attended and arranged many floggings but had never before felt such distaste for the process. Van Daan was the only miscreant up for punishment the following day. At eleven-thirty, Geordie gave the order for the ship’s company to muster by watches on either side of the main deck. Van Daan was brought on deck. Tradition allowed him to plead his case to the Captain. On this occasion, Geordie could not imagine what the Captain would ask or what the boy would say. He found himself rigid with tension as Van Daan stepped forward. He looked very young, the fair hair lifted in the breeze away from the smooth lines of his face.

“You are accused of absenting yourself from your berth, boy, along with numerous other offences since your arrival aboard ship,” Dalton said, his voice harsh. “Have you anything to say?”

“No, sir.”

“Nothing? No excuse for your behaviour?”

“Only that the life is new to me, sir, and I’ll try to improve.”

It was perfect and Geordie thanked God he had not tried to coach Van Daan since he could not have done better. If he had been in Dalton’s place he would not have believed a word of it, but Geordie could see the Captain relax. He appreciated humility and seemed completely unable to see that the boy’s stance radiated contempt.

“Thirty lashes Bosun.”

Geordie gave the order, and Smith stepped forward with the cat. The handle was covered with red cloth and the whip consisted of nine thin pieces of line with each section knotted several times along its length. A new cat was made for each flogging by one of the bosun’s mates. It was their duty to administer the flogging, swapping over after each dozen to ensure that a tired arm did not lessen the punishment.

Geordie had selected the three mates with care and had spoken to them in advance very specifically. He could not prevent the boy’s suffering, but he could ensure that over-zealous administration did not make it worse.

Van Daan was stripped to the waist and bound by the wrists to the wooden grating situated at the gangway. Lieutenant Gordon stepped forward to read the Article of War pertaining to the boy’s crimes aloud and then stepped back. There was complete silence across the deck. Geordie wondered if it was his imagination that the atmosphere was more tense than at a normal flogging, possibly because of the victim’s youth and possibly because of the spectre of Mackay’s unsolved murder hovering in the background.

The cat fell across Van Daan’s back, leaving long red weals. The boy’s body jumped but he made no sound. The cat fell again and again. Geordie felt himself flinch internally with each blow. He had never felt like this before at a flogging and he could not decide if it was the injustice of it or if it was because of his enormous liking and respect for the boy being beaten.

At the first changeover, the ship’s surgeon went forward to inspect Van Daan’s back. Geordie thought he looked uncomfortable. Eaton had told him that Dr Baird had insisted on registering a formal objection to the cat being used on a boy this young, and Geordie respected him for it.

At twenty lashes the skin broke. Van Daan had still not made a sound, though his body convulsed at each blow. Geordie realised he was clenching his fists so hard that his nails were digging into his palms, leaving marks. He imagined himself punching Captain Dalton over and over until he did not get up, and it helped a little.

At twenty-six lashes, Van Daan’s back was bloody and for the first time he uttered a little cry, quickly bitten back. Geordie thought about the other injuries, the bruising and the muscle damage and the battering to the internal organs, and he wondered if the crew would support him if he drew his pistol and shot Dalton through the head. He thought they might.

At thirty lashes, the third bosun’s mate, Petty Officer Ferris, lowered the cat with an air of relief. The surgeon moved forward.

“One moment, Doctor.”

Captain Dalton walked across the deck towards Van Daan. Geordie moved forward as well, ignoring the frantic signals from Lieutenant Eaton. He wanted to hear what was said. Dalton reached up and caught the long fair hair, wet with sweat. He twisted his hand in it and yanked the boy’s head back.

“Do you hear me, Van Daan?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Did you kill Mackay?”

“No, sir.”

“Louder, Van Daan.”

“No, sir.”

“What if I told you I could whip you until you confess?”

Geordie realised he was poised, ready to attack. He had never felt such an urge to kill in his life.

“Well I can’t stop you, sir.” Van Daan’s voice was faint but his tone was loaded with so much contempt that even Dalton could not miss it. Geordie groaned inwardly.

Dalton stepped back. “Another dozen, Ferris,” he said loudly.

Ferris looked over at Geordie, appalled. Geordie took a deep breath. He decided that he was about to commit mutiny and he prayed that whatever happened, Janet would be all right.

“Belay that order, Petty Officer Ferris,” Lieutenant Eaton called out.

Ferris lowered his arm, looking relieved. Dalton swung around. “What did you say, Mr Eaton?” he demanded.

“Sorry, sir, it’s just that you’ve miscounted. The sentence was thirty, and I remember you didn’t want more than that on a boy this young, especially with the cat. It’s recorded in the log, sir.”

There was a long moment of agonised silence across the deck and Geordie silently thanked God that Daniel Eaton had all the intelligence and integrity that his Captain lacked. He hoped somebody at the Admiralty realised it soon and gave the man a command of his own. The ship’s log was inviolate and if Dalton continued with the punishment it would be recorded and could be used against him.

Dalton glared at his First Lieutenant with sheer hatred, then turned to the surgeon and nodded. Geordie felt as though the entire crew let out a collective sigh of relief. He called the order and two of his mates went forward to untie the prisoner. Abruptly, Dalton stopped and stooped. He picked up a wooden pail of salt water, turned back to the boy on the grating and threw the entire contents over the boy’s back. Van Daan screamed. Dalton turned away and stomped back to his cabin, leaving Geordie and the first officer to stand the crew down.

Geordie ran to the boy as the mates lowered him face down onto the deck. After that one agonised yell, he had made no further sound and Geordie felt a sense of panic. The damage done to a man by a flogging could be completely unpredictable, depending on the physical condition of the victim. Paul van Daan was young, much too young to have been beaten by the cat which was usually reserved for adults. He was also, Geordie discovered, a mass of bruises all over his fair skin, presumably due to the over-enthusiastic use of the cane on the recalcitrant new recruit during his first week aboard ship. Geordie had known a man die from damage to his kidneys after a flogging and he knelt beside the boy, running his eyes over the bloody mess of his back, seeing new bruising coming up beneath the existing marks.

“Van Daan. Can you hear me?”

“He’s fainted, Bosun.”

“Carry him to the sick bay,” Geordie said, getting up. “Dr Baird will see to him there.”

“I will. And please understand, Armstrong, that I will be keeping detailed notes of this boy’s condition. If he dies because of what has been done to him aboard this ship, it will be fully recorded, and I intend to complain to the Admiralty.”

“Good,” Geordie said. “Lift him carefully, Ferris.”

“Get your fucking hands off me,” a voice said distinctly. “Or I will break your fucking fingers.”

The men froze. Geordie motioned them back. “It’s good to see your punishment has settled you down proper, Van Daan. They’re trying to help you, you mannerless young twat.”

“If this is their idea of help, I’ll live without it.” The boy turned his head to look at Geordie. “I wouldn’t mind a hand up though, Bosun.”

“Let them carry you.”

“I’ll walk.”

Geordie said nothing. He watched as, slowly and painfully, Van Daan heaved himself onto all fours. He stopped, wincing at a sudden pain, and put his hand to his side. “Christ, that hurts.”

“You may have a broken rib, it’s not uncommon,” Dr Baird said, coming to his side. “Will you not let them carry you, boy?”

Van Daan turned his head to look at him, and surprisingly managed a shadow of his charming smile. “Thank you, Doctor. I probably sound mad, but I really need to walk away from this. Would you?”

Baird offered his hand without speaking and between him and Geordie, they got Van Daan onto his feet. The tall form swayed for a moment and Geordie stood ready to catch him, but Van Daan steadied himself. He shook his head at the doctor’s proffered arm but did it with a faint smile. He walked carefully, but seemed reasonably steady. Geordie trod behind him trying not to fuss like a hen with one chick. He wished the obstinate whelp had remained unconscious.

Once he had reached the sick bay, Van Daan became more cooperative, and Geordie left him with Baird and went to find Janet. He was not surprised to discover that his wife had expressed her sympathy by laundering and mending Van Daan’s few items of clothing. She had also added to them, and Geordie recognised an old shirt and trousers of his own, spotlessly clean, and neatly darned. He hid a smile, wondering if Van Daan knew that he had been adopted by the fiercest creature on the ship.

Geordie went through the rest of his day as normal, forcing himself to leave the boy alone. Van Daan needed rest in order to heal, and at least in the sick bay he would get solitude and relative quiet. He looked in at five o’clock, after the men had been issued with their second grog ration, and the mess cooks were beginning to collect provisions for supper.

There were eighteen berths in the sick bay which was on the starboard side of the ship. Half a dozen of them were occupied by sick or injured sailors, but Baird had put his newest patient in one of the two curtained alcoves which he reserved for more serious cases, where privacy might be required. Van Daan was asleep, lying on his front, the rough blankets pushed down to his hips to avoid touching his wounds.

Geordie stood looking down at him. In sleep, the boy looked more like the child he really was. What Geordie could see of his body was a mass of red bleeding stripes and black bruising, overlaying the yellowing remains of older injuries. Geordie thought he must have been in pain ever since he arrived on board and was thankful that at least now he would have no choice but to rest and heal. All the same, as he left he paused by the surgeon’s table, where Baird’s assistant was writing up the daily returns in a ledger.

“Keep an eye on Van Daan, will you, Harris? If he makes any attempt to get up and go back to his duties, tell him I’ll give him a kicking that’ll make that flogging look like a picnic.”

Harris grinned, showing yellowed teeth. “Already told him once, Bosun. Don’t worry, we’ll keep him quiet. Poor little bastard. Got balls though, I’ve seen grown men break down sooner than he did. He still a pressed man?”

“I’ll be down to get him properly signed up as a volunteer tomorrow. When he’s fit for duty, I’m getting him assigned to the rigging.”

“He’s a landsman, Bosun. He’ll kill himself.”

Geordie glanced back at the cubicle where the sleeping boy lay. “You need to trust me with this one, Harris. If we don’t keep him busy, he’ll stir up the entire crew of this ship until somebody really does kill him.”

Harris looked amused. “You adopting him, Bosun?”

“I’m going to train him. And I’ll speak to the schoolmaster about moving him up to take lessons with the older boys. He can already read and write, so he can study seamanship. At least it’ll keep him out of mischief. For now, just let him rest. He bloody needs it after what he’s been through.”

May, 1798

Geordie was writing up the Boatswain’s accounts in his store cabin, a job he loathed, when First Lieutenant Eaton appeared in the doorway.

“Do you have a minute, Bosun?”

“I’ve got an hour, sir, if it’ll get me away from this.”

“Come down to your dinner bench. I’ve got some news and we’re celebrating.”

Eaton lifted a wine bottle and Geordie grinned and got up. He locked the door carefully behind him. He could guess Eaton’s news and he was pleased for the man, although he would miss him. Seated at the wooden table, Eaton poured two cups.

“To the third rate, HMS Triumphant and her new post-captain, Bosun.”

“Congratulations, sir, it’s well deserved. Came with the mail boat, did it?”

“Yes. I’m to sail back with her almost immediately The Triumphant is with the fleet off Toulon. An old ship and in need of an update, but my first post command.”

“You’ll be missed.”

“I wish I could take you with me, Armstrong.”

“You’ll have a good bosun of your own, sir, who knows the ship. Mediterranean Fleet then?”

“Yes, and in a hurry. They’re sending a fleet under Nelson, hoping to engage the French.”

Geordie hid a smile at Eaton’s attempt to sound nonchalant. At his age, Geordie had also longed for battle and glory and the chance to shine. These days he preferred the long, easy days of blockade duty and would be happy to never hear a gun fired in anger again. He raised his cup.

“Good luck, sir.”

“Captain Dalton is going to get Powlett to act up as first lieutenant.”

“Is he sorry to see you go, sir?”

“I can’t tell, Bosun, he’s such a miserable bastard all the time, I’m not sure how I’d know the difference. But I wanted to speak to you about Van Daan.”

“No reply to your letter, then?”

“No, and there should have been. I think it got lost or went down with a ship. I was hoping I might be able to get the boy ashore, but they’re ferrying me straight to the ship, there’s no time. And I’ve no wish to dump him somewhere he might get picked up by another press gang. We need to get him to the British authorities and do this properly. A long way from Captain Dalton.”

“Once you’re away, you’ll be able to write again, sir. Dalton has taken no notice of Van Daan for a long time.”

“He might, if he receives a stiff letter from the Admiralty asking why he has an illegally pressed gentleman’s son aboard and hasn’t returned him to his proper place. Dalton got himself into this because he was too lazy and too much of a drunkard to do his job properly, but if he finds out Van Daan really is everything he claimed to be, I wouldn’t trust him not to quietly find a way to shut him up before he can give evidence about what was done to him. Look, Bosun, I know Van Daan is a bit of a favourite of yours and Janet’s. But I was thinking of taking him with me as an officer’s servant. Once aboard, I’ll promote him to petty officer. I’ll write again immediately to his father, and I’ll write to the Admiralty as well.”

“You’re taking him into battle, though, sir.” Geordie felt slightly sick.

“Probably. I can’t turn the ship round to get him to safety. But the first chance I can, I’ll drop him off at an English consulate. If he wants to go.”

Geordie laughed. “I see right through you, you duplicitous bastard, sir. You’re going to promote him to midshipman as fast as you can and hope he’ll decide to stay on and try for an officer’s commission, aren’t you?”

“Oh come on, Bosun, what would you do in my place? When did you last see a boy with his talent for leadership? I’d be mad not to try.”

Geordie got up. “Just so long as you give him a choice.”

“You’ll miss him.”

“Like a piece of my heart,” Geordie said simply. “We never had children, Janet and me. Told ourselves it was just as well, since it’s meant we’ve been together all these years. But the Van Daan boy reminded both of us what we’ve missed. Still, I’m proud of the man he’s going to become. If he can get there without getting himself killed, the reckless young bastard. Come and find him and tell him the good news.”

Up on deck, there was a flurry of activity in the rigging as the officer of the watch had ordered the main topsail to be set. The topmen were clambering up the shrouds towards the main top. Geordie and Eaton stopped to watch them, shading their eyes against the sun. They were fast and nimble, scrambling barefooted over masts and sail.

First to the top was a tall slim figure. He had removed his blue jacket and hat, and the sun sparked an occasional golden light off his fair hair. Arriving at his destination, he looked back at his fellows and pantomimed waiting impatiently for the others to be in place, the young face alight with laughter.

The sail had been tightly reefed in and Geordie watched as the men loosed the sail then kicked it out and down, where other crew members eased on the lines. It was a process Geordie had watched a thousand times during his time at sea, and probably performed as many. He watched now as the topmen completed their task then swarmed back down the rigging. It was not supposed to be a race, but the younger men often made it so. When Van Daan was firmly back on the deck, Geordie raised his voice.

“Van Daan. I catch you using the rigging as a race track again, you’ll get a clip round the ear. Get yourself over here, the officer wants a word with you.” The boy approached at a run, scooping up jacket and hat from a grating along the way and managing to arrive looking vaguely presentable. Geordie reached out to give him an affectionate cuff, knocking his hat off again, partly to prove that he was still just tall enough to make it possible and partly because he knew how much he was going to miss that simple act after tomorrow.

“First Lieutenant Eaton wants to speak to you. When he’s done with you, come down to the stores, I want a word.”

“Yes, sir. Yes, Bosun.” Van Daan eyed him warily. “Am I in trouble? What have I done?”

“Oh, wipe that innocent look off your face or I’ll do it for you, it doesn’t sit well there. And pick up your hat or I’ll charge you for it.”

Van Daan picked up the battered straw hat with a grin. “You couldn’t legitimately charge me a halfpence for this, Bosun, look at the state of it.”

“Well you’re not getting a new one, you’d wreck it in a week. Get along with you.”

It was thirty minutes before Van Daan joined him in the store, and the laughter had been replaced by an unusually serious expression. Geordie pointed to a stool and went for beer.

“So you’ll be leaving us. Officer’s servant, no less.”

“Only until we reach the Triumphant. Then it’s to be petty officer.”

“I’ll be saluting you one day, laddie, I’ve known that for a long time.”

“I don’t think so, Bosun. I’ve been honest with Mr Eaton because it’s only fair. I’ll go with him this voyage. I think I owe him that. But afterwards, since it looks as though it will be possible, I think I’ll go home.”

“To see your father?”

“I’d be happy never to set eyes on him again,” the boy said flatly. “He doesn’t want me there, he sent me to sea in the first place, to teach me discipline, since he couldn’t be bothered to do it himself. Well I think I’ve learned it.”

“Then why leave? You’re good at this, Van Daan. You’ll be a midshipman in a year or so, and you’ll pass the lieutenants’ examination without any effort at all.”

Van Daan gave a little smile. “And post-captain a year later? It’s a nice story, Bosun. Don’t think I’ve not considered it. There are things about the navy I like. But too much has happened here. And besides…a ship is too small.”

Geordie considered it and knew he was right. “Aye, that’s the way of it with you. Some of us feel secure within these wooden walls. Some feel trapped by them. Go home then, laddie, and make your peace with your Da however you can. But if you take my advice, you’ll not let him push you behind a desk in a shipping office, or into the silk suit of a gentleman. You’re not cut out for that. Think about the army. Mr Eaton is right, you’ve the makings of a bloody good officer if you can learn some respect for your seniors and keep your mouth shut occasionally.”

“The thing I will miss about this ship, is you. And Mrs Armstrong. Does she know?”

“Aye, I’ve told her. She’s in the cabin, mending everything you own twice over. You should go and see her and be prepared for her to cry over you, for she will.”

“I might cry over her too,” Van Daan said, getting up. “The packet ship leaves early. I was wondering…”

“Eat your dinner down with us today, laddie. It’ll be the last time, and I’ll miss sampling the whisky with you.”

The boy smiled. “I’ll write,” he said. “And I’ll send you a bottle myself when I can. To remember me by.”

“I’ll not be forgetting you, Paul van Daan. The ship’ll be a lonelier place without you.”

“You’ll be all right, Bosun, while your wife is here to look after you. You’ve been like my family. Some day…I wonder if I’ll ever marry? If I did, I’d like it to be the way you are with her. You’re so close.”

Geordie could feel tears tightening his throat. “Go and see her. And don’t worry about it. When you’ve done sleeping with every pretty girl that’s willing, now you’ve found what to do with them, there’ll be a bonny lass waiting for you somewhere. Write and tell me about her if I’m still alive.”

“I promise I will.”

Van Daan was outside the door when Geordie had another thought. “Van Daan – what are you going to do about the Captain? Will you report him, d’you think?”

Van Daan raised his eyebrows. “I don’t see that I can do anything else, Bosun. My father might not like me, but he’s a proud man and he’ll be furious about this. He’s going to want Captain Dalton’s head on a plate with an apple stuffed in his mouth when he sees the scars on my back, and I’m not covering up for the drunken, spiteful bastard. Why, will it bother you?”

“Not at all. I was thinking, it would be good to serve under a different captain. It’s a fine ship, the Hera. Could do great things under a better man.” The boy studied him for a long moment then gave one of his broad smiles. “I’ll see what I can do for you, Bosun.”

***

The boat left as dawn was just beginning to stain the sky with a pink wash. Geordie stood beside his wife at the rail, his arm about her, watching the oarsmen pull smoothly through the water. Eventually they could no longer see the boy’s face clearly, but Geordie remained there as the rising sun spilled amber and gold across the water. Several sea birds swooped low past the hull, diving for fish then soaring up again. The packet ship waited at anchor, its rigging outlined against the glory of the morning sky. Geordie could see the figures clambering out of the boat and climbing up the side of the fast little ship, and he felt a sudden fierce envy of the boy, setting out on a new adventure with no idea where it might take him.

“I hope he’ll be all right, Geordie. Do you think he’ll write, as he promised? A young gentleman, back with his own kind, he might well forget.”

“Well we’ll have to wait and see, bonny lass. But I do wonder you know, if yonder lad is going back to his own kind or if he’s just left them.”

“I wish he was going directly home,” Janet said. “Packet ships are often ambushed and sunk, and even if he makes it to the Triumphant, he’s likely to be in a battle before he’s safe with his family.”

“He’s fought with us in two skirmishes, Janet, and he’s a man grown now, or very near.”

“He’s just sixteen and I want to know he’s safe.”

“I think he’ll write. I’m sure he’ll write. Now dry those tears and let’s get some tea before the bell.”

They had finished their tea and Geordie had just called the pipe for hammocks to be stowed for the day when he heard a noise from the quarterdeck above. There was a commotion of shouting and then Geordie heard the Welsh accent of First Lieutenant Powlett calling down the companionway.

“Bosun, get yourself up here. There’s something wrong with the Captain.”

Geordie arrived at the door to the Captain’s bedroom, which was on the starboard side of the ship beside the master’s sea cabin, where the charts and navigation equipment was stored. The Captain’s servant, a skinny thirteen-year-old by the name of Fletcher, was holding a jug of steaming water. Beside him was Kingsley, the ship’s master and Lieutenant Marshall who commanded the marines.

“I know he’s in there, sir, he’s been making funny noises. I think he must be ill. Maybe he’s had a seizure.”

“The door?” Geordie asked.

“Locked from within,” Powlett said briefly. “I’ve sent for the carpenter.”

The ship’s carpenter arrived looking exasperated rather than worried, his curly dark hair untidy as if he had just emerged from his bed. The last rays of the glorious dawn gave a slightly garish light to the deck as they waited for Rashford to open the door. Geordie gently removed the heavy water jug from Fletcher and set it down out of the way.

Eventually the door was open. Rashford stood back with the air of a man who did not much care what was found within. Geordie looked over at him.

“I’d get to your inspection, Rash. Will you call Dr Baird first in case he’s needed?”

“I will, but we all know he’s probably dead drunk,” Rashford said contemptuously. “Let me know when I can put the lock back.”

Powlett was stepping cautiously into the cabin. It was spacious, with a curtained bunk, a wash stand and clothing chests, a red velvet armchair and small side table. The furniture was arranged incongruously around the two nine pounder guns and on the opposite wall was a closed door which led into the Captain’s day cabin, in which he dined, entertained, and took his ease. The bed curtains were closed.

As Geordie followed Powlett into the room, motioning for the others to stay back, the first thing he noticed was a muffled squawking sound from the bed. The second was the smell, which was appalling. At first, Geordie wondered if somehow a chamber pot had been kicked over, but this was far worse. The livestock pens were situated in the waist of the ship and it was often possible to smell them throughout the vessel if they were not regularly cleaned, but never this strongly.

Powlett seemed frozen in surprise, so Geordie walked forward and drew back the bed curtain. For a long moment, he stood very still, unable to believe his eyes. Captain Dalton lay on the bed. He was naked and had been neatly trussed at both wrists and ankles, which were then tied together at his back, leaving him in a painfully unnatural position. The bedclothes were in a heap on the floor and Dalton’s teeth were chattering with cold around the gag which had been stuffed into his mouth.

The only garment which the Captain was wearing was his wig. It had been placed very firmly upon his head, glued in place with a dark sticky substance which Geordie was easily able to identify as animal manure. He had a strong suspicion that the animal pens would not need mucking out this morning as they had been very thoroughly cleaned out during the night. The rest of the manure had been plastered over the Captain’s body in huge reeking dollops. Beside the bed, left very neatly, was the bucket and shovel that the assailant must have used. The Captain’s chamber pot was beside them, pointedly empty. Geordie could not be sure and had no intention of checking, but he suspected that the Captain was also wearing the contents of that.

“Oh my God,” Powlett whispered. “Who in God’s name…and how? Fletcher! Get yourself in here and help the Captain. Bring the hot water. In fact, we’d better send for more hot water. A lot of it. This is going to take some cleaning up.”

Geordie retreated to give the orders. Then, as he was fairly sure he would not be observed in the mayhem of the Captain’s deliverance, he slipped through the opposite door into the day cabin and stood looking around. It was an elegant room, with long windows which let in the light and could be opened to let in fresh air. It was clear that somebody had decided the room needed a good airing because one of the windows was wide open.

Geordie went to the window and stuck his head out, looking upwards towards the poop deck. It would be a scramble, but Geordie decided that should the mad idea ever take him, there were enough handholds for a man to pull himself upwards. It would be even easier for a slender, agile boy.

Geordie went back through the cabin and joined the master on the quarterdeck. “Any ideas?” he asked.

“God knows. The Captain isn’t the only victim. The boy who guards the livestock was found tied up, and so was the marine on duty by the Captain’s cabin.”

“I’d keep looking,” Geordie said cheerfully. “Check on anybody you think might be suspected of being involved in this, and I think you’ll find them safely tied up and remarkably unharmed. Just free of suspicion. Was the Captain hurt at all, do you know? Apart from his pride.”

“Only one injury. He didn’t see the face of his attacker, he wore some sort of black mask over his head with the eyes and mouth cut out. And he never spoke. But before he left he gave the Captain a huge whack across the nether regions with what looks like a cat o’ nine tails. Some nasty weals.”

Geordie took his pipe from his pocket and began to fill it. “Aye, that can hurt. All the same, I reckon he got off lightly, when all’s said and done. He can rest easy now. At least until the next packet ship reaches him with letters from England. If you’ll excuse me, I should be starting my inspection.”

An Unconventional Officer – free promotion

An Unconventional Officer - love and war in Wellington’s army
An Unconventional Officer - love and war in Wellington’s armyIt’s been a while since I did one of these but for three days only, starting tomorrow, An Unconventional Officer, the first book of the Peninsular War Saga, is free on Amazon kindle. If anybody who hasn’t already read it would enjoy a story of love and war in Wellington’s army, now’s your chance. The promotion is from 19-21 September 2025. I hope you enjoy it.
The year is 1802.
A fragile peace has been reached in Europe, but Britain is at war against the Maratha in India. In its Leicestershire barracks, the 110th infantry welcomes a new officer.
Paul van Daan is no typical young subaltern. Ambitious, talented and a charismatic leader of men, he has the means to buy his way up the ladder of promotion. He has an unconventional past, a fierce temper and a passion for justice which brings him into conflict with other officers.
As Paul searches for a way to adjust to the realities of life in the officers’ mess while remaining true to himself, he makes enduring friendships, forged on the battlefields of India and Europe. He also builds an unexpected bond with the unemotional commander of the Peninsular army, Sir Arthur Wellesley.
By the time the 110th joins Wellesley in Portugal, Paul has established a reputation as a respected officer, a courageous fighter and a shameless womaniser. Two women have shared his journey.
Rowena Summers is gentle and shy and brings companionship and stability to his life.
Anne Howard, the daughter of a wealthy manufacturer, bursts into his life like a shooting star, leaving him dazzled. Beautiful, intelligent and courageous, she refuses to conform to the expectations of the men around her, and changes forever everything Paul thought he knew about women.
From the slaughter of Assaye to the bloody battlefields of Portugal and Spain, this is the first book in the Peninsular War Saga which follows Paul van Daan and the 110th through war, loss, triumph and an unforgettable love story.

September Ramblings of a Historical Fiction Writer

My favourite reading spot on a much sunnier day than this.

It’s early on Sunday morning and the rest of my household is sound asleep. I should be too, but arthritic hip number two woke me at two thirty this morning and hasn’t really settled down since. Number one, which was replaced in January is mostly well behaved these days although the scar sometimes objects if I sleep on that side all night.

 

It’s a grey morning with on and off drizzling rain and a breeze which feels oddly warm. I can’t really get my head around that. I went outside with my first cup of tea to sit on the bench at the back of the garden and expected to feel cold before I finished it. The sight of trees and shrubs dancing in the wind and leaves beginning to swirl down onto the lawn says autumn to me but this mild breeze speaks more of summer.

Oscar: “Are we going outside yet Mum?”

The dogs enjoy an early cuppa on the patio. They waited patiently while I caught up on some work on the laptop, clearly wondering why I was awake and typing in the middle of the night but the moment I put the kettle on they were waiting hopefully by the back door ready to join me on a morning inspection of the garden. It was pretty much the same as during their evening inspection but they have to check all the same.

 

 

 

I’ve just left the latest instalment of the Peninsular War Saga with my editor along with the next volume of short stories and the notes for a talk I’m giving next week. It feels very satisfying to move work off my desk and on to hers, even if it’s only for a short while. Fairly soon chapters will start winging their way back to me for corrections. At the moment though, it’s quite a pleasant limbo.

The hydrangeas have been particularly lovely this year, even so late.

I wish I was better at knowing what to do with that time. I’d like to spend it in the garden; I love gardening but it’s a funny time of year. The weather is unpredictable and as much as I love autumn it’s not the same as the excitement of sowing and planting and watching new flowers grow in spring.

 

I’ve spent a few days getting my website up to date. I was honestly embarrassed at how behind I’d got with it but I’ve decided to blame that on a hip replacement and a new book. I’ve also finally committed to uploading regular posts onto Substack. I joined ages ago as part of my ongoing quest to find a new way of connecting to readers. One of the things I’ve never managed to do in the eight years since I started publishing is establish any kind of mailing list, despite being told regularly how essential it is for an author.

I think I was put off the whole mailing list experience by my fear of spamming my poor readers. I have a Facebook page and a Twitter / X account which for years worked very well at getting the word out to people but although I still get a fair bit of engagement on Facebook, Twitter is not what it once was. I’ve experimented with BlueSky and Threads but neither of them really did what I wanted and I found them terminally irritating. Instagram remains the ultimate mystery to me although I think that might be because I’m old.

I like Substack so far because it’s easy just to transfer blog posts over from my website. So easy in fact, that I’m going to start transferring my short stories over gradually in the hope that they’ll reach a new audience. More to the point, it’s possible for readers to subscribe if they want, to keep up to date with new books, short stories and general ramblings from the world of Writing with Labradors.

So if you want to keep up with my news, please subscribe here. I’ll try not to spam you with endless links to BUY MY BOOK, though there will be book related news. But there are just as likely to be pictures of Labradors, flowers in the garden and my new obsession, Colin the fledgeling hooded crow and his family who seem to have moved into my garden.

Colin the Hooded Crow. He’s a bit scruffy still, I think he’s growing into his feathers…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for reading.

Endings

Endings

Endings have been on my mind rather a lot recently.

For me this is not usually the time of year to think about endings. Summer is here, as much as it ever is on this windy island home of mine and although the solstice has passed and I’m aware that the evenings will be growing shorter from now on, it’s still warm and there’s sunshine between the inevitable Manx showers.

There are some life stages slowly coming to an end though. Both my offspring are in their twenties now and my son has recently moved out to share a house with friends. My daughter is back home along with her partner, but it’s temporary; they’re viewing houses and hope to buy their first house soon. It will be the first time that I’ve really experienced an empty nest and that will definitely be an ending to be marked in some way. It’s also a new beginning.

But I’m not deceived that my slightly melancholy sense of the end of something important has been caused by my children moving on with their lives. It is changes in the lives of my fictional offspring which are causing me to pause and reflect. For the past eight years my working life has been dominated by a series of books called the Peninsular War Saga. I’m now working hard on book ten and there are constant reminders as I write that the Peninsular War is coming to an end.

Dear Readers, don’t panic. This doesn’t mean the end of my writing career or even the end of time spent with these characters. I’ve always promised that I’d follow Paul van Daan and the 110th light infantry through the Battle of Waterloo and I have every intention of further books featuring some of the characters from my most popular series. I also have the Manxman books to pick up and my new Age of Sail series for Sapere Books which is ongoing in the background.

Still, when the fighting ends in the vicinity of Toulouse in April 1814 nothing will ever be quite the same. Wellington’s Peninsular army was gradually broken up over the next months. Some regiments went home to England. Others were sent to America to fight in the closing stages of the War of 1812. Some would later go further afield to Britain’s expanding colonies in places like India and South Africa. But they did not all go together.

I’ve recently published a collection of short stories entitled Brothers in Arms. As I’ve stressed in the blurb, most of these stories aren’t new; they’ve been published on my website and are still available for free. The only exception is the title story, which I wrote specifically for this collection and which won’t be available anywhere else. The title for the story and the collection was suggested by my editor and although the phrase has been used so many times before, I loved it for this book because it says so much about how I’ve come to view my characters over the years.

For six years the men of Wellington’s army and the women who accompanied them fought and died over the hills and plains of Portugal and Spain, through the heights of the Pyrenees and into France itself. For eight years I’ve been writing about them. Some of the stories have been bloody, brutal and tragic. Others have been funny. I’ve tried to portray these people as flawed human beings, living their lives in the midst of war.

It’s gone better than I ever expected. When I decided to take the independent publishing route I was just grateful to anybody for reading my books. Every good review was a celebration and every bad one was a tragedy. I’ve come a long way since then.

Back in 2017 I wrote a short piece on my blog about how difficult I found it to call myself a writer. These days I’m proud to tell people what I do. I do it full-time and I no longer say it with an apologetic tone. I have the best job in the world and it isn’t going to end when Paul, Carl, Johnny and the rest of their brothers in arms say goodbye to each other after Toulouse. It isn’t even going to end after the bloody Waterloo campaign.

I will feel sad though. There’s a strong urge to try to find ways of keeping them all together. Above all I’ve loved writing about the bonds of friendship and loyalty forged in those long years of war. I won’t do it because it wouldn’t be realistic. Over the coming years, they’ll never forget each other. Some of them will remain with the army, in their current regiments and go off on new adventures. Others will choose to settle quietly at home, making up for lost time with wives and families. Some may decide to forge a new and interesting path. My brain is teeming with ideas.

Some may not be going home at all. There are still several months of fighting to go and then there’s Waterloo. The Peninsular War Saga isn’t over yet, but I – along with my characters – can see the end approaching. We’re all going to share a sense of mingled joy and sadness along with a sense of pride at how much we’ve achieved together. We’ll also be looking ahead to see what we can achieve next.

Last night I had dinner with my editor and close friend Heather Paisley from Dieudonne Editorial Services. She’s been eagerly following the progress of book ten as she’s an enthusiastic reader as well as the woman who deals with commas so that I don’t have to. Unexpectedly she asked a question.

“How far are you through this book. I mean have you worked out yet where it’s going to end?”

The Final Charge of the British Cavalry at the Battle of Orthez by Denis Dighton

I hadn’t realised until that point that I couldn’t really answer her. When I finished the previous book I thought there was so much still to do that there would probably be two clear books before the war was over. Now that I’m in the middle of this one I’m not so sure. There are still several important battles to go but the Light Division isn’t always as heavily involved in them as in the rest of the war.

I admitted my indecision to Heather and talking it through with her helped to clarify things. Which turned out to be not very clear at all, but I’m happy with that. I know where my characters are going, both historically and in their personal lives and I’ve decided this time just to let them get there in their own time. I don’t want the end of this part of the series to meander on until everybody dozes off but I’m also not prepared to rush it just to get to the Grand Finale. This is not the final series of Game of Thrones, people.

My instinct is that I probably won’t reach Toulouse in this book but the following book will definitely take Paul and his men into peacetime. I want to do justice to these final battles because they were more than just a sideshow while the European powers fought their way towards Paris. Men still fought and died, right up to the end of the war.

So I’m just going to keep writing this and I’ll decide when to end it when I get there. I’m really enjoying book ten. There’s a lot of action right from the start but also some reflective moments as my characters contemplate the approach of the end of the war and the changes about to overtake them.

Battle of Waterloo by William Sadler

Of course unlike me, they have no idea that many of them will be back in the field facing Bonaparte himself the following year. That’s just an author’s privilege.

 

 

In the meantime I thought I’d share the opening paragraphs of An Inexorable Invasion, book ten of the Peninsular War Saga. I hope my readers are looking forward to it. I think you’re going to love it.

And for anybody new to the series, An Unconventional Officer is where it all began…

 

The Bridge at Orthez
The Bridge at Orthez

Southern France, December 1813

The forward pickets were relieved at dusk and were almost blue with cold by then; blowing on numb fingers to keep them nimble enough to load and shoot a musket if necessary. The changeover was usually accompanied by cheerful greetings and a good deal of banter as the departing sentries described how miserable the posting was going to be while their replacements scoffed at them for being softer than the camp women who would probably make a better job of guarding the outposts.

For weeks, the Light Division had set their picket line so close to the French that it had led to a few skirmishes and a good deal of fraternisation. This was particularly bad among the German hussars who often accompanied them because they had quickly discovered that the opposing French cavalry vidette was also provided by a German regiment. The opposing sets of cavalrymen spent much of each day in friendly conversation but this evening brought an unpleasant shock. Along with the relieving pickets, provided by a company of the 110th light infantry and a dozen cavalrymen from the 9th Dragoons, rode a tall figure on a big roan gelding.

The officer’s uniform was hidden by a dark greatcoat but every one of the pickets immediately recognised the commander of the third brigade of the Light Division. He was accompanied by his ADC, a slim young man in a grey cloak on a neat bay mare. Both reined in, staring in surprise at the scene before them. They had arrived just in time to find the cavalry chatting about the best fishing spots on the banks of the River Nive while the pickets from the 43rd light infantry were bartering for French brandy with half a dozen French infantrymen. They appeared to be offering the French packets of tea and what looked like wrapped packages of tack biscuits in return and these were being accepted.

There was a long, agonised silence as the two groups stared at each other.

For anybody interested in regular updates on what’s happening at Writing with Labradors I’m now publishing on Substack as well and you can sign up for free. Here’s the link.

 

 

 

England’s Golden Warrior – an interview with Paula Lofting on Harold Godwinson

Welcome to England’s Golden Warrior – an interview with Paula Lofting on Harold Godwinson here at Writing with Labradors.

Today I’m delighted to welcome Paula Lofting. Paula has been a guest before, talking about Sons of the Wolf, her series of novels set in the years leading up to the Norman Conquest. She’s here today wearing a different hat, however; she’s just published her first historical biography. Paula, congratulations.

Thank you, Lynn. I am amazed I survived. It was a long hard slog, but I got there in the end.

I’m impressed you made it. Paula your book is called Searching for the Last Anglo-Saxon King: Harold Godwinson – England’s Golden Warrior. This is your first non-fiction book, and it feels to me as though you didn’t choose an easy subject to start with. What made you want to write about Harold?

I have to admit, I thought it was going to be a much easier job than it was. Having been writing the novels in which Harold is a secondary but important character, I thought I had all the research under my belt already. But I found myself looking into things more deeply, and it was a surprise to me that I didn’t know everything after all!

I had chosen to write about Edmund Ironside first, but then I decided actually, why not write a new bio about Harold Godwinson, especially as most of the most well known books about Harold had already been published and needed refreshing. I thought I could do him justice and so when I embarked on the project, I found that what was most important to me was to ‘find’ the real essence of Harold with the scant information we have. Who he was, how his background shaped him, what were the influences that formulated his decision-making. What others thought of him, and how he came to be demonised.

I guess I could qualify for historian status but as a novelist, I’m more emotionally invested in characters and that is why I don’t hold back in giving my opinions in a less objective manner that perhaps an academic would.

I think that’s one of the things about the book that I enjoyed. While you clearly looked at a variety of different opinions, it was obvious that you’re a bit of a fan of Harold. Paula, one of the reasons I said you chose a challenging subject was that there aren’t that many sources, surely? How difficult was the research on this book?

You could say that the fewer sources to read the easier, but it also gives you less scope. I would say that someone who writes about the Peninsular War needs to cover a lot of information and the need to find every little bit of it is far more stressful than the issues I had. I count myself lucky in that respect.

I think the hardest part is sifting through the later sources and the tendency for writers of that time to embellish and fictionalise. Its difficult to take writers like Henry of Huntingdon and William of Malmsbury seriously.

I suppose you have to look at them critically and work out what snippets of truth you can find in the midst of the story telling. I’ve read the book and thoroughly enjoyed it – my review is here if anybody wants to read it. The various sources paint very different pictures of Harold Godwinson, depending on where they came from and when they were writing. Was it difficult to build up a coherent picture of the man?

I would say not, though the Victorians probably had less information to go on than we have now. Once you realise what was propaganda and what was not, I think it is easier. For one thing most of the Norman chronicles after 1066 were fictionalised to make William of Normandy look like an angel and Harold as Satan but they don’t produce solid evidence to back it up. A lot of it is unquantified name calling. Even the famous Papal Banner turned out to be fictionalised, though that took decades and decades to conclude.

As for Harold’s character, if you study his actions in the context of the 11th century environment and the factors surrounding the events of the time, you will find a Harold of some sort in there. That’s why I try to give options for the reader so they can work it out for themselves. Not everyone will agree with me, but that’s ok. As long as most of the possibilities are presented.

One of the things I enjoyed about this book was some of the myth-busting. The last time I learned about the Norman Conquest was during the first year of secondary school which is history in its own right. I didn’t realise how much work had been done since then. Was it scary moving from fiction to historical biography? I’ve never had the nerve to try it myself. In what ways was it different?

Completely different. For a start you have to be more objective and less subjective, and present evidence and facts rather than a story that you make up as you go alone. Then there’s the ‘notes’ you have to make to back up your narrative and the indexing! Whilst I try to inject humour and a little irony into it, there is no dialogue or made up stuff, though there is conjecture aplenty, it’s all based on the evidence written in the sources which can come from a range of areas. Archaeological, written, or illuminated manuscripts.

I could sort of imagine doing it for my own Napoleonic period, just about, because I understand the sources available. I think going back this far must be more challenging. And in fiction, nobody expects footnotes or an index, thank goodness. Harold is a recurring character in your novels as well. Was it difficult to separate out your fictional Harold from the real man you’ve written about in this book?

Not really. I try to portray him realistically in my novels. He’s not your perfect hero who rescues women from their vicious husbands (though there is a myth that said he rescued his second wife from hers) and often makes decisions that badly affects my MC, Wulfhere, which leads Wulfhere to hate him at times. His decision to back the northern rebels instead of his brother Tostig would have displeased many, as it must have done the king. Sometimes he was backed into corners, and it appears that he did what he believed to be right at the time. I think I have portrayed him fairly, according to his deeds and the circumstances he found himself in.

Yes, he comes across as very human. I want to ask about your writing style. One of the things I like about this book is despite the huge amount of research you’ve obviously done, it’s not heavy to read. You’ve kept a light storytelling tone. Was that deliberate or does it just come naturally because of the fiction writing?

It is deliberate, I think. I don’t want my readers to get the idea that I think they are stupid, I just believe in making reading enjoyable and if a text is too difficult or highbrow to read, then I am not achieving this. That’s the beauty of popular history, most writers tend to use easy to understand terms and paint a picture of a landscape inside the readers head of what happened, when, how, and why. I think that it what most people want. But as my dear mentor Sharon Bennett Connolly showed me, you want to be taken seriously too, so there has to be a balance.

As I said before, I really liked the balance you achieved in the end. I don’t know how much of a struggle it was, but it comes across as a really good read but definitely not an Idiot’s Guide to Harold Godwinson. There’s a lot of scholarship tucked away in there. How long did it take you to write this book, including research?

A lot longer than I’d hoped. 2 years I would say.

I think two years is pretty impressive for a project like this to be honest. I wonder how much of that was actual writing and how much was research, indexing and notes? There’s a big cast of characters in a biography like this. Do you have any favourite secondary characters? Maybe someone you’d like to follow up either with another biography or in fiction?

I think I know who you would like to hear more about and as I don’t want to disappoint you, I’ll say Swegn Godwinson. What a character! Swegn was the black sheep of the family. He was a troubled soul and could not get anything right and I have a penchant for bad boys, so I have a soft spot for him as a historical character. There were so many things he did that were just wrong, but in the end, he tried to atone for everything and that is what endears him to me. Sadly, it cost him his life. Such a sad tragic ending. But I shan’t give it away.

I also have a soft spot for the Mercian brothers, the young earls of the North. They were referred to as boys of noble stock which is why I think they were in their teens when they became earls in their own right. They fought a hard battle at Fulford Bridge and despite losing the battle, which was against the Mighty Harald Hardrada, they were said to have fought bravely. Both boys went on to survive the 1066 Conquest and were held as hostages by William. They were given their freedom, but William did not come through with their promises that he’d made to them, good marriages and their own earldoms were given to William’s mates, so they rebelled and got involved with Hereward the Wake’s uprising. In the end, eventually, Edwin died, and Morcar submitted to William and led a comfortable rest of his life as a hostage of William’s.

You’re right, I do love the story of Swegn even though he must have been an absolute nightmare for his family to deal with. There’s probably not enough information out there for a full-blown biography of him, but I wonder if we’ll be seeing something more of him in an article one day, or perhaps a blog post? Or even in fiction. Now I know this can be a difficult question for a biographer but at the end of it, did you like Harold? Did what you learned along the way make you admire him more or less?

I guess I’ve always had a soft spot for Harold since I started reading about the era about 20 years ago, however, I really did think doing all this research would lose me that rose-coloured tinted glasses because when you go as deep as you possibly can, you tend to see the ‘real’ person more and you find out that perhaps they are not as squeaky clean as you think they are. But in Harold’s case, despite the more unsavoury things he did that I never really thought philosophically about until now, I can’t say that I like him less for it because you cannot judge a medieval king with 21st century morals. In fact, it gave me the confidence to actually say that when you compare him to many of the other medieval leaders, he was pretty much one of the good guys. I have come to see that despite being ambitious, I do really believe that he cared considerably for his England and her people. He fought desperately and bravely for his life, and to save his country. He had seen what kind of a man William was and certainly did not wish that on his people. Sadly, he failed.

What was Harold’s best quality and what was his worst?

His best quality was his use of diplomacy rather than going all guns blazing. He was patient with the Welsh until one day they pushed too far, and his patience ran out. He invaded with the help of his brother Tostig, and the power of Wales was diminished. You might say that he was patient to a point and once he snapped, everyone needed to look out.

So his best quality was his patience and his worst was what happened when he lost it? That makes a lot of sense. Paula, you’re probably aware of the new drama series coming out soon about William of Normandy and Harold Godwinson? Will you be watching it or do you think you’ll end up correcting the history too much?

I’m going to try and watch it. I’ll have to find a way around it because I don’t have a TV licence!

And after people have watched the series, your advice is to immediately buy your book I imagine?

Most certainly!

You heard it here first, people. Final question, Paula. What’s next? I know those of us who have read the first two books in your Sons of the Wolf series have been waiting for the further adventures of Wulfhere. Or are there more historical biographies in the future?

I do have the Edmund II book to complete, however I’m hoping to make sure I get my third novel in the Sons of the wolf series finished, Wolf’s Bane. Wulfhere and his lot are getting up to too much mischief!

I’m very much looking forward to that. I suspect you’ll have a much clearer picture of Harold when he wanders into the pages of your novels in the future. And after reading your book, I think I will too.

Paula, thanks so much for coming along to talk to us today. Good luck with the book, you deserve to do well, and perhaps you’ll come back to tell us about your next project when it’s ready to go.

I certainly will. I’ve really enjoyed being on here with you!

My thanks to Paula Lofting for joining me to talk about her new biography of Harold Godwinson. 

About the Author

Paula was born in the ancient Saxon county of Middlesex in 1961. She grew up in Australia hearing stories from her dad of her homeland and its history. As a youngster she read books by Rosemary Sutcliff and Leon Garfield and her love of English history grew. At 16 her family decided to travel back to England and resettle. She was able to visit the places she’d dreamt about as a child, bringing the stories of her childhood to life. It wasn’t until later in life that Paula realised her dream to write and publish her own books. Her debut historical novel Sons of the Wolf was first published in 2012 and then revised and republished in 2016 along with the sequel, The Wolf Banner, in 2017. The third in the series, Wolf’s Bane, will be ready for publishing later this year. 

  In this midst of all this, Paula acquired contracts for nonfiction books with the prestigious Pen & Sword publishers. Searching for the Last Anglo-Saxon King, Harold Godwinson, England’s golden Warrior is now available to buy in all good book outlets, and she is now working on the next non-fiction book about King Edmund Ironside. She has also written a short essay about Edmund for Iain Dale’s Kings and Queens, articles for historical magazines. When she is not writing, she is a psychiatric nurse, mother of three grown up kids and grandmother of two and also re-enacts the Anglo-Saxon/Viking period with the awesome Regia Anglorum. 

You can find Paula on the following social media sites:

https://www.instagram.com/paulaloftingwilcox/ 

https://www.facebook.com/Wulfsuna?locale=en_GB  

https://www.threads.net/@paulaloftingwilcox?xmt=AQGzt4dBTQyhpi3KALo3S2LlPFu675xU76a9176zAtMjRdA  

https://x.com/longshippub  

https://bsky.app/profile/paulaloftingauthor.bsky.social

www.threadstothepast.com  

Paula’s books are available on the following links.

https://mybook.to/Haroldpreorder

 

 

 

https://mybook.to/viym88

 

 

 

https://mybook.to/MBgXo

 

Brothers in Arms: the collected short stories of Lynn Bryant Volume 1

A little bit of news. Brothers in Arms: the collected short stories of Lynn Bryant Volume 1 – the War Stories will be published in July.
This is not exactly a new book, but it’s a new venture. As some of you know, for years I’ve been publishing free short stories on this website. I write these for fun, and release them for free as a bit of a thank you to my army of very loyal and hugely engaged readers. The stories cover a wide expanse of time and location and often fill in gaps in the story that I’ve not managed to cover in the books.
I’ve had a lot of requests over the years to publish these stories as a collection and with the help of my brilliant editor, Heather Paisley from Dieudonne Editorial Services, who has done most of the work for me, the first volume will be published on 18th June. That date will have meaning for a lot of you, as the 210th anniversary of the battle of Waterloo. Three of the stories in this first collection are connected to the battle.
I’ve decided to publish the stories so far in themes. The first of these are about war and will include not only the Waterloo stories, but tales of the combat on the Coa and the battle of Sorauren. The next volume will be Christmas stories, published in December.
A lot of my readers have already read all of these tales, and I want to be clear that all these stories remain free on my website. This is more of a collectors’ edition. However, for anybody who does decide to buy it or get it on kindle unlimited there is one new story which won’t appear anywhere else.
Brothers in Arms is a short story set during the storming of Ahmednaggur in India in 1803, when Paul van Daan was still a very junior officer, just deciding how much he really hates storming a fortress.
I’d like to thank the creativity of my wonderful husband Richard Dawson for the amazing cover.

Searching for the Last Anglo-Saxon King by Paula Lofting

Searching for the Last Anglo-Saxon King by Paula Lofting has the subtitle Harold Godwinson- England’s Golden Warrior. That probably gives a clue  as to Ms Lofting’s overall view of her subject, but that doesn’t mean this isn’t a well-researched historical biography which looks at Harold from all angles. It is. The author has managed to combine some impressive research with a well-told story about a somewhat neglected historical character.

 

 

Paula Lofting has previously been known as a novelist, having published two books in a series set in Anglo-Saxon England during the years leading up to the Battle of Hastings. Presumably this led to her first foray into historical biography. There is something of a novelist’s colloquial style in this book, which makes it entertaining and easy to read.

 

 

 

Ms Lofting handles her research very well, giving a straightforward account of the sources available for this period and the biases of the various chronicles. She presents the different arguments in an even-handed manner but isn’t afraid to give her own opinion about the most likely course of events while acknowledging the historical uncertainty.

The book is detailed, but broken down not only into chapters but also into sub headings. I found this surprising at first but it actually makes light work of some of the more dense chapters about Harold’s family background.

Above all, this is a fascinating and entertaining account of the last Anglo-Saxon king which presents him as a leader, a family man and a man of his time. I suspect Harold is one of those historical characters that many people have heard of but few know much about. Ms Lofting’s Harold Godwinson is so much more than the man who died at the Battle of Hastings and I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It may be her first journey into historical biography but I hope it is not her last.

The Weaver’s Son

Styal Mill

Welcome to the Weaver’s Son, my somewhat belated Valentine’s Day story for 2025. Many apologies that it’s taken me so long to get this story out. As many of you know, I’m recovering from a hip replacement. There has also been a lot going on at home and I just didn’t get my act together in time this year. Still, a love story is a love story and I’ve been looking forward to writing this one. As always it’s free, so share as much as you like. There’s also a pdf below.

As the Peninsular War Saga approaches the end of the war, I’m increasingly conscious of the dangers of spoilers in my short stories, so once again I’ve gone back in time. The Weaver’s Son is a straightforward romance. It’s also a story about family. It’s dedicated to my army of readers who are unfailingly supportive through all the ups and downs of bringing my favourite characters to life. Thank you all.

I’ve spent a lot of time reading letters and memoirs of men who lived around the time of the Napoleonic Wars. Sadly I’ve not been able to find much from the women. As we can presume that wives and sweethearts replied to their menfolk it seems that the issue is not with the writing of these letters but with their preservation. Still, from this admittedly one-sided perspective, it is very clear that in an age where arranged marriages were common, many couples still found love. From Captain Edward Codrington’s affectionate letters too his wife Jane, to General Robert Craufurd’s obvious adoration of his beloved Mary, such love stories are an inspiration to a novelist who loves a bit of romance.

Sometimes, romance occurs between unlikely people, in unexpected places. Welcome to The Weaver’s Son…

A Weaver’s Son pdf

The Weaver’s Son

An early January gale had taken off part of the roof of the west barn and, as the weather settled into steady rainfall, Mrs Harriet Faversham summoned her farm hands to move the hay into the smaller, but much drier east barn then sat down with her account books to work out if she could afford to call the roofer from Newark.

“We can probably patch it until the spring,” her estate manager had said, surveying the damage from the shelter of a partly ruined cow shed. “Wouldn’t do to put the hay back in there, mind. We might not be done with the worst of the weather yet.”

“We’ve patched it up twice already,” Harriet said gloomily. “We can manage for now, but we’ll need to get it done. Send the boy over with a note to Barrett from Newark, Tom. I’m not using Harrison again. His prices are ridiculous and when his work on Sir Henry Chisholm’s stables was unsatisfactory it took them almost a year to get him to come back and put it right. I won’t reward bad workmanship with my custom.”

“Right you are, ma’am. Oh, the groom picked up the post on the way back from the blacksmith’s. I told him to put it on your desk.”

There was a small pile of letters on the old mahogany desk which had belonged to Harriet’s father. It was tempting to open them immediately, but Harriet set them aside and concentrated on her estate ledgers and the contents of her bank box to see if she could manage the necessary repairs.

It would have to be done. The small estate she had inherited from her late husband provided a rather hand-to-mouth income but during the five years of her widowhood, Harriet had become an expert at juggling her accounts. She had a small income from government bonds left to her by her father, which enabled her to live very modestly. Any income from the home farm and three tenancies was ploughed back into the estate.

The house, which had originally been a Benedictine abbey, was damp and cold and in need of repair but Harriet was used to the inconvenience and, as she never entertained, she had no need to worry about anybody else. The land and her horses were what mattered to her and she continued to ignore the advice of various friends and relatives to sell up and buy herself a nice villa on the coast. Harriet refused, mostly politely. Westhorpe Abbey was her home and the only good thing to have come out of her short, miserable marriage.

“You should marry again,” Aunt Amabel told her every time Harriet arrived for a visit. “It’s ridiculous for a girl of your age to be struggling with debt and bills and holes in your stockings when you could have a perfectly nice life. How old are you now – twenty-seven? You could even have children.”

“I am twenty-nine, Aunt Amabel, and I’m perfectly happy. There are no debts. When Charles was killed I sold some land to pay them all off. I manage well enough; I have everything I need and…”

“You have no life,” her Aunt said in exasperation. “You spend your time mouldering away in that dreadful old place. You are still young and attractive but if you don’t do something about it soon, you really will grow old and then you’ll regret it.”

“I don’t want to be married again, Aunt. I wasn’t very good at it.”

“Utter nonsense. There was nothing wrong with you apart from the fact that you fell in love with a wastrel who spent your dowry, ruined his inheritance then broke his neck on the hunting field leaving you to clear up the debts and chaos he left behind him. I admire how well you manage, Harriet, but it is enough.”

“I’m happy, Aunt. Leave well alone.”

After reviewing her finances, Harriet decided that by postponing repairs to some of the home farm fencing and not replacing the broken shutters on several of the upper windows, she could manage the repairs to the barn. It would eat into her precious reserves a little but it would be worth it at harvest time. She wrote the necessary instructions to Tom Langham, who ran the home farm and acted as her informal estate manager and then set the depressing account book aside and reached for the post.

There were several matters of business and a bill from the coal merchant. The final letter was from Aunt Amabel. Harriet studied it dubiously before opening it. Her Aunt was not a frequent correspondent. She led a busy social life and seldom troubled Harriet, apart from her insistence on twice yearly visits. These took place at Christmas and during the summer. Harriet wondered what had happened and hoped it was not bad news.

She read the letter through quickly to reassure herself and then read it again to make sure she had not misunderstood. Eventually she put it down and sat back, staring out of the window at the rain.

Aunt Amabel had begun with her usual stream of news about family members. Uncle Edward was well, though more than usually irritating because of the poor weather. Both her sons were thriving, though Aunt Amabel gave it as her opinion that Bertie’s wife was spoiling her children horribly while Ned’s wife would never carry a child to term if she did not eat properly and rest during the first weeks. There was nothing to worry Harriet in any of this. Having disposed of immediate family gossip however, her Aunt moved on to the real purpose of the letter.

“I am writing to request a favour, my dear. You will remember your cousin Clara. At least she is not your first cousin, she is mine. We have not seen her for some time. She went into retirement several years ago after that unfortunate affair with the military gentleman who turned out to be a dreadful fortune hunter and dropped her when he realised she had no fortune to hunt. We all thought her a confirmed spinster, but it appears that some family friends have come up with a possible match for her.

“It is not a marriage I would wish for my own daughter as the man is decidedly not a gentleman, even though he received a knighthood last year. Rumour has it that he comes from very humble beginnings – the son of a common weaver, if you can believe it. He has made his fortune from some of those dreadful textile mills that are ruining the countryside in Yorkshire. He’s widowed with children, and I suppose he is looking for a wife of good breeding to teach them how to go on in polite society.

“Anyway, if Clara wants to spend the rest of her life teaching this man and his children not to eat with their hands it is her own business, but the matter is not settled yet. The Broughtons, who have that huge place outside York, have invited her to a house party where he will be a guest, and she will need a chaperone. It is ridiculous to ask you, because you are younger than she is, but of course you are a widow which makes it respectable. I cannot go myself, with Susan’s children running wild and Anthea likely to bring on another miscarriage if I don’t supervise her personally. I need you to be my deputy and help Clara bring this thing off.

“I realise you don’t generally go into society and may have nothing suitable to wear. I’m sure I can help you out. Both my daughters-in-law have trunks of clothing they can never hope to wear again. If you come to me a week or more before the visit, I can make sure you are respectably dressed and you can travel to Yorkshire with Clara in our carriage.

“You cannot have anything to arrange at Westhorpe, as I am sure you can leave everything for a few weeks in the hands of that capable man of yours. I will arrange for you to travel by post-chaise on the twentieth of January and then you can travel on from here a week later. Please write to confirm that you have understood the arrangements.”

Harriet put down the letter and walked across the room to the window. It looked out onto the garden but there was little to see at this time of year except sodden lawns, dripping branches and rain drops running in little rivulets down the mullioned glass. For a long moment Harriet thought about smashing the window. It would be a ridiculous thing to do and she could not afford the repair bill, but she was so furious she longed to break something.

It was not the first time that family members, usually led by Aunt Amabel, had casually demanded her time and effort without bothering to ask if it was convenient for her. As a woman living alone without husband or children, it was assumed that her time had no value and that she would make herself available at a moment’s notice if she was needed. Harriet was fond of her family and did not mind helping out occasionally when she was needed to help with a measles outbreak or the preparations for a wedding for instance, but being asked to make an extended visit to a house party with people she did not know, to further the matrimonial hopes of her second cousin Clara, was not reasonable. Harriet’s first instinct was to pick up her pen and paper and write a curt refusal. Age and experience had taught her that it was seldom a good idea to follow a first angry instinct however.

Instead she sent a message to the stables and went to change into her shabby riding habit. Horses were her love and riding was always her solace in difficult times. She did not mind the rain or the cold when she was mounted on Silver, her favourite grey gelding. The horse had been a wedding gift from Charles and her happiest memories of her marriage were from those early days when they had ridden and hunted and laughed together, before his drinking and gambling and infidelities had gradually chipped away at her patience, her respect and finally her love.

She still loved to ride Silver, cantering through muddy lanes, careless of how wet she was getting. Riding cleared her head and enabled her to think more clearly. It also soothed her anger. By the time she was back at the house, stripping off her wet clothing and allowing her maid to scold her as she rubbed Harriet’s long dark brown hair with a towel, she was calm again. She was even beginning to see the funny side.

Aunt Amabel was outrageous in her demands but she was also Harriet’s favourite relative. She had been an unwavering support during the appalling months after Charles was killed, as Harriet tried to find her way through the maze of his debts and obligations. She had been trying hard to take care of Harriet ever since and it was not her fault that Harriet had discovered a streak of obstinate independence within herself that she had never known she possessed.

There was such a thing as gratitude, however. When she was dry and warm, Harriet went back and read the letter again. This time, underneath Amabel’s acerbic commentary she read genuine concern for her sons, her daughters-in-law and for poor Cousin Clara who had almost left it too late to decide that she might after all wish to be married. Whether this self-made textile manufacturer from Yorkshire could bring her the status and security she craved, Harriet had no idea. Still, for Amabel’s sake she could take time away from her very mundane life to accompany Clara to a house party where the worst thing that could happen would be that she would get very bored.

She wrote an affectionate letter to her Aunt agreeing to her arrangements then went to study her wardrobe, wondering which of the elegant gowns she had not worn for five years could be altered to make them respectable enough for a chaperone at a provincial, winter house party.

***

Sir Matthew Howard had been to Broughton Hall before, but never for an occasion like this. He had met Lord Broughton at the York Races more than a year ago and had struck up a casual masculine friendship with him. They dined together from time to time when Howard had business in York and his Lordship had been grateful for occasional snippets of business advice that Howard had been able to give him. In return he had introduced him to several of his friends.

Howard appreciated the attempt to widen his social circle and did not tell Broughton that he was not really looking to ingratiate himself into the upper echelons of society. He was a businessman; a textile manufacturer who had inherited the bones of a business from his ambitious father and turned it into gold. These days he was known throughout Yorkshire as a man of substance. His knighthood had been the result of some very successful navy contracts. He had recently purchased a third mill from a cotton spinner who had recently gone bankrupt. The sheds were run down and the equipment hopelessly outdated but Howard was more than capable of bringing them up to scratch. He was a man on his way up, but his aspirations did not include presentations at court or aristocratic friends. He was a wealthy man and wanted to be more so.

Still, he liked Broughton and his cheerful, welcoming wife and had stayed with them at Broughton Hall several times. He had talked freely about the loss of his wife six years earlier in childbirth and the difficulties of raising four children through a series of nannies and governesses. He supposed that at some point he had mentioned that he thought he should probably marry again.

He had been somewhat startled when Broughton had come back with a possible solution. Miss Clara Danbury was a little over thirty, well-connected and of a quiet disposition. She had never married, due to a romantic disappointment in her youth, but her elder brother who was a friend of Broughton’s had intimated that she was beginning to reconsider the matter. She was pleasant and capable and had expressed an interest in meeting Sir Matthew Howard.

Howard rolled his eyes at his friends’ blatant matchmaking but found it hard to resent it. He had allowed them to arrange the meeting, in a deliberately informal setting and had found Miss Danbury all that they said. She was not unattractive; her manner was rather prim and if Howard had been looking for a new governess he would have employed her at once. He was not, however, so he remained cautious but agreed to further meetings.

They met at a reception held by one of the York guilds and then again at a late summer garden party. She allowed him to be her escort to a Christmas concert in the Minster. He dined at Broughton Hall and was introduced to her brother and his wife who were in Yorkshire for the New Year.

Howard was careful to keep a pleasant distance until he was more certain. He could see the advantages of the match. She came from good family and she apparently liked children. She seemed to have no interest in making a socially advantageous marriage, but he thought she might make a good housekeeper and a good stepmother. She had good manners and was quiet but not painfully shy in company. He thought she would probably be a good hostess and a sensible wife. It would be the kind of second marriage he had always intended to make at some point and if he was going to do it, he might as well do it now.

“What are you waiting for, man?” Broughton demanded, over a steak pie and some good red wine at the Star Inn in York. “She’s perfect for you. Speak to her.”

“I’ve not yet decided,” Howard said. “She’s a nice young woman but I don’t really know her that well. I’ve met her maybe a dozen times and we’ve talked about nothing more personal than the weather. I’ve no idea if we should suit.”

“Who ever knows that before they’re married?” Broughton said with a grimace. “I was bloody lucky with Mary, but I swear we’d spent most of our acquaintance on the dance floor before I proposed to her. She could have been a half-wit and I wouldn’t have known it. Look, we’re having some people to stay in January. A couple of relatives of Mary’s that we couldn’t manage to see over Christmas. Why don’t you join us for a week or two and I’ll invite Miss Danbury. She can get that dragon of an aunt to chaperone her. It will give you an opportunity to spend a little more time around her. By the end of it, you’ll either be ready to propose or you’ll have decided against it. You can’t keep going like this or you’ll be accused of raising expectations.”

“I don’t raise expectations without a carefully drawn up contract, Broughton,” Howard said. They both laughed, and Broughton summoned the waiter to bring a second bottle.

Howard thought his friend was probably right. If he continued in this half-hearted courtship, he was in danger of being pushed into a proposal by her anxious relatives. He knew that Broughton thought he was being unnecessarily cautious and he was probably right. His problem was that although Miss Clara Danbury seemed to tick every item on his list of requirements, he could not easily imagine himself married to her. Perhaps two weeks of proximity would either make the prospect more real, or show him that it was impossible.

Broughton Hall was an elegant mansion about six miles to the north of York. It was built in the time of Queen Anne and stood in beautifully landscaped gardens. Howard never visited it without being painfully aware of the difference between this graceful house which had been in the Broughton family for years, and the house his father had begun to build on a hillside overlooking the little market town of Thorndale.

John Howard had died before his Palladian mansion was completed and Matthew had moved in with his young wife and taken over the project. The house was finished at just about the time that Kitty died bearing their fourth child. She had disliked the house, finding it too austere and too grand. Kitty had been a doctor’s daughter and had never really become comfortable with their rapidly increasing wealth or the social expectations it placed upon her. Matthew, who had married very young, and for love, had tried hard to be patient with her but worried that he might not always have succeeded.

The house had felt empty without her and no amount of expensive furniture or elegant curtains had ever managed to turn it into a home. The children occupied an elaborate nursery suite with a selection of well-paid nurses and governesses to take care of them. Matthew rather liked his children but he saw far too little of them, being busy with work. He tried to imagine Clara Danbury stepping into that gap and failed.

She had already arrived when he joined the party in the drawing room before dinner. She was very correctly dressed in a modest gown of striped satin. He allowed Lady Broughton to make the introductions to the other guests then went to join Clara, raising her hand to his lips.

“Miss Danbury, it’s good to see you. How was your journey? I gather you’ve been staying with your Aunt in Nottingham.”

He realised as he said it that none of the strangers appeared to be Mrs Crookall. He glanced around, wondering if he had somehow missed the introduction.

“Yes, I was. She was unable to accompany me unfortunately. Mrs Susan Crookall is in a delicate condition and is a little unwell. I have been joined by my cousin, Mrs Faversham, though I do not know where she can be…”

She broke off as the door opened and a woman stepped into the room. She was dressed in a dark green robe which was slightly outdated but not really out of place for a country house party. She looked as though she was close in age to Miss Danbury, but her manner was very different. From the top of her charming arrangement of dark brown curls, to her neat satin slippers, she radiated confidence and vitality. Her skin was slightly tanned as though she spent a lot of time outdoors. Her eyes were an attractive colour somewhere between brown and green, with what looked like gold flecks. Her smile was broad and friendly.

“Sir Matthew this is my cousin, Mrs Faversham.”

Mrs Faversham offered him a gloved hand. “Sir Matthew, it is good to meet you. My Aunt has told me about you.”

Howard had never exchanged more than a dozen words with Clara’s formidable Aunt Amabel and he had a fairly good idea what she thought of him. He studied Mrs Faversham and decided that she knew as well.

“That was very kind of her, ma’am. I hope she gave me as good a character as I would undoubtedly give her.”

To his complete astonishment, the woman gave a peal of delighted laughter. “I will ask you for more details about that character at some point, Sir Matthew. I don’t think you’ve spent enough time around my aunt. I think you would get on. Clara, I’m so sorry I’m late down. I encountered a crisis on the nursery stairs and had to apply my medical expertise but all is well now.”

“Oh my goodness,” Lady Broughton said anxiously. “Is one of the children hurt?”

“Oh no, please don’t worry. I was joking. Little Cecilia apparently left her doll within reach of the new spaniel puppy and there was an accident to poor Molly’s leg. Fortunately I was able to apply a bandage to stop the sawdust escaping and have promised I’ll perform proper surgery tomorrow. I might have to borrow some linen to patch it. The wretched dog had almost torn it off, but I can mend it. All tears are dried and Cecilia is quite excited at the prospect of being my assistant. Mrs Arbuthnot, how nice to see you again. I had no idea you were to be a fellow guest. How is Sir Anthony; is he not with you?”

She moved away to talk to one of the other guests and Howard managed to close his mouth.

“Your cousin seems very at home here,” he said to Clara, rather faintly.

“Oh Harriet is at home everywhere,” Clara said with a little laugh. “I am sorry if you find her a little too much. She means very well.”

“Could her husband not accompany her this week?” Howard asked. “What does he do?”

He caught her frown and remembered that in polite circles it was not customary to ask what a man did. His ancestry was more important.

“Harriet is a widow. Some five years, I believe. She married one of the Favershams of Southwell, but he was sadly unsteady and died in a hunting accident leaving her with a half-ruined house, an impoverished estate and a pile of debts. She lives there on her own without even a female companion. I expect she was delighted at this opportunity for a few weeks in a civilised household. Tell me about your delightful children, Sir Matthew. I am wild to meet them.”

Howard thought about his children. George was fourteen and Arthur twelve. Both were studying mathematics and accounting at the local grammar school and manufacturing under his general manager at the woollen mill. Katherine was eight and practising to be a lady under the tuition of her strict governess, Miss Price. Then there was Anne. Anne was six and had never known her mother, who died giving birth to her. Howard did not know what Anne was doing or what she was learning and thought it best not to ask. He smiled pleasantly at Clara Danbury and tried to imagine introducing her to his youngest daughter.

He listened with half an ear as Miss Danbury told him about their journey, the difficulty of the coaching inns and the rudeness of one of the post boys. His eyes, he realised were constantly straying to the slender dark woman across the room who was carrying on an animated conversation with the Rector about his recently foaled mare. Briefly he tried to imagine introducing Mrs Faversham to his youngest daughter and realised to his horror that he would like to do so.

She was a widow. She understood children. She had a laugh that could charm birds from the trees.

Howard nodded and smiled at Miss Danbury. Inside, his brain was screaming.

No. Oh no. Oh for God’s sake no.

***

Sir Matthew Howard was not at all what Harriet had been expecting. She supposed she should have remembered Aunt Amabel’s tendency to exaggerate, particularly when she thought a member of her family was making a mistake. All the same, Harriet did not think she could ever have had a proper conversation with Sir Matthew, because she was sure that her aunt would have liked him.

Harriet liked him herself. He was a big, broad-shouldered man of around forty, with a Yorkshire accent and a dry sense of humour. His manner was direct and uncompromising and Harriet suspected that some of his blunt remarks would make him unpopular in rarefied circles, but in the Broughtons’ friendly, informal household nobody seemed to care. He had a ready smile and his manners were perfectly good, though Harriet had a sense that he might possibly be very rude indeed if he was angry.

He was very different to the men of her own family. She thought about Charles and his hunting friends, with their lordly manners and the cut-glass accents of privilege. They would have despised Matthew Howard and spent their time picking fault with him in loud whispers. Harriet wondered if he could be awkward in such company. There was certainly no sign of it here.

The one person he did appear somewhat awkward around was her cousin, Clara. Harriet watched the couple through the first two days of their visit and wondered if she was imagining things. Sir Matthew was suitably attentive to Clara. When the party went out, he rode or walked beside her. He was often her partner at dinner and listened attentively to whatever she had to say, but Harriet thought that he did not talk much in return. She wondered if beneath that assertive exterior, he was a little shy.

She had the opportunity to find out more about him when Lord Broughton proposed a walk to the nearby village of Selbury, which had a fine Norman church. It was a bright day, but very cold. Harriet had already agreed to join the party when she realised that her cousin had declined.

“I do not wish to put a damper on your outing, dear Lady Broughton, but I do not think I should make the attempt,” Clara said when her hostess expressed concern. “It is so cold, which often gives me the headache. I will remain here and be perfectly content.”

“I’ll stay with you, Clara,” Harriet said.

“There is no need.”

“Nonsense. I’d be a poor companion if I left you behind when you aren’t feeling quite the thing.”

Before Clara could respond, Mr Robinson, the Rector cleared his throat noisily. Harriet had noticed him doing it before. It seemed to be his way of announcing that he was about to speak. She wondered why he did not simply speak.

“Do not be concerned, dear Mrs Faversham. I myself do not intend to venture out in such weather. It is not good for my rheumatism. I will happily engage to bear your cousin company until you return.”

Harriet looked at him in surprise and hastily bit back what she had been about to say. Mr Robinson had been her companion at dinner the previous evening. He was a stocky gentleman, new to his parish, surely not more than thirty and did not look at all like a man who suffered from rheumatism or any other kind of illness. Harriet regarded him critically and decided that it was exercise rather than cold weather that Mr Robinson disliked. Since she wanted to go for a walk, she smiled brightly at him.

“Thank you, Mr Robinson. I’m certain my cousin could not be in better hands. Are you sure, Clara?”

Clara expressed herself perfectly satisfied with the arrangements and Harriet went to change her shoes with a faint sense of relief. She did not dislike her cousin but they had very little in common. She found Clara fussy and easily upset with very little conversation that did not revolve around domestic matters. She suspected that Clara found her too forward, with too much interest in matters not usually considered the province of females. Harriet was doing her best but it would be nice to spend a couple of hours in the fresh air talking about something other than fashion and the problems of finding reliable servants.

She was surprised to find that Sir Matthew Howard attached himself firmly to her side as soon as they set off along the path to the village. Since she had already decided she wanted to know more about her cousin’s prospective suitor, she was not displeased. He was wearing a well-cut dark greatcoat, good boots and a sensible hat. Harriet had strong views on the extremes of fashion and approved of the hat.

The path was muddy in places and one or two of the ladies had to be assisted over the worst parts. Sir Matthew offered his hand politely and Harriet took it, but did not flinch as mud splashed the hem of her shabby walking dress. As they resumed their walk, he said:

“I see you’re not bothered by a spot of mud, ma’am.”

Harriet laughed. “I run a country estate, sir. You should see the state of me during the lambing season. It isn’t pretty.”

He grinned. “I suspect it’s more attractive than you think actually. A lady in a ballgown is a pretty sight, but there’s something appealing about a woman who isn’t afraid of  a muddy hem. I don’t know, perhaps it’s just me. My late wife was a country girl and thought nothing of climbing stiles and splashing through puddles.”

Harriet thought about her cousin. She had never seen Clara appear anything other than immaculate and a spot on her lace collar was enough to send her to change her entire outfit. She wondered if Sir Matthew realised that.

“My husband was an enthusiastic member of the hunt. He used to come back covered in mud from head to foot.”

“I’ve never really seen the point of hunting, but that’s probably my upbringing. I like to ride, though I came late to it. I’m too heavy for a hunter anyway.”

Harriet shot him a glance. “You didn’t learn as a boy?”

“My father never rode in his life. It’s an upper-class pastime and I definitely wasn’t that.”

Harriet remembered her aunt’s remarks. She desperately wanted to ask more but she did not want to be rude. They negotiated a stile and pushed through an overgrown section of the path. She could hear Lord Broughton grumbling about speaking to the parish clerk to arrange to get the bushes cut back.

“You can ask me what you like,” Sir Matthew said abruptly.

Harriet looked at him in surprise. “Oh. I was…that is, I am curious. But I don’t want to be rude.”

“I’m sure you won’t be, ma’am. You have excellent address. Forgive me if I seem impertinent, but I’m in favour of plain speaking and I’ve a notion that you’re the same. It’s no secret that the Broughtons have been trying to make a match between your cousin and I. I’m sure your aunt is aware of it. It occurred to me that it might be your job to assess my suitability.”

Harriet froze. She realised that she had been very naïve. There were probably several other hapless family members who might have been sent to chaperone Clara. She was not the obvious choice.

“Of course it is,” she said bitterly. “Though I had not realised it. If my aunt had been born two hundred years earlier, they would have burned her as a witch. I’m sorry, Sir Matthew. I admit I’m interested. You come from a very different world to me. But I had no intention of acting as the family intelligence gatherer.”

He shot her a surprising grin. “I appreciate your honesty. Family must be difficult. I don’t have much left myself. My mother died when I was young and my father a few years ago. There are probably cousins out there somewhere, but I don’t know them. When he took the audacious step of setting himself up as a gentleman, my father left them behind. Ruthless but very much like him.”

Harriet had so many questions that she could not decide which to ask first. She wondered if he was serious in his invitation to ask whatever she liked. His expression was encouraging though, so she said:

“Were you close to him?”

“Is that another way of asking if I liked him?” Howard gave a crooked smile. “No, I didn’t. He didn’t require affection from his son, or even liking. Just respect and obedience.”

“That sounds hard.”

“It was simple. I didn’t know any different until I met Kitty. She was the local doctor’s daughter and a fair bit above me socially, but she was lovely. Very sweet and very kind. We’d begun to make money by then. I thought I’d done very well in getting her to marry me. My father was furious. He thought I should have waited until I could have asked a girl of better birth.”

“I’m so sorry. That must have been difficult.”

“He was barely civil to her, but she managed surprisingly well. It was after he died, when we moved to Helton Ridge…it was his house. He built it. I’ve added to it since. I wanted it to be a palace for her, but she was lost in it. She’d have been happier in that square, solid town house we first lived in. After she died, I wished we’d stayed in it. Sorry. I’m sounding maudlin.”

“No, I understand. I’ve had all kinds of regrets since I was widowed.”

“Do you want to tell me about them?”

Harriet looked up at him and decided to tell the truth. “Mostly that I married Charles in the first place. He was…I had a brother. Martin. He and Charles were schoolfriends and did everything together. I suspect everybody expected me to marry Charles since I was a child. And I wanted to. He was my hero.”

“What went wrong?”

“We were married in spring. Those early days were perfect. Summer, then autumn. The hunting season started. I grew up in Leicestershire. I knew what that meant. I didn’t see him for weeks at a time. It didn’t bother me. My father and brother were the same. It’s all I knew.”

“What happened to your brother?”

“Oh, exactly what one might have expected. He took a tumble jumping a fence and broke his neck. It was devastating. We buried him and we mourned. I thought it would bring Charles and I together but I was wrong. He was never the same again. He became distant. Drank too much, gambled too much…I don’t know. Perhaps it was because of Martin. Or perhaps he was just being the man he was always meant to become. Eventually he died in a very similar way. By then it was a relief. I’m sorry, I am sharing confidences that you cannot possibly want to hear.”

“I asked,” Howard said briefly. “I’m sorry, it sounds appalling. You’ve not remarried. I was wondering why, but it’s very clear. Does your cousin know any of this?”

“I don’t know. She must know a little, but we have not seen much of each other these past years. I’ve been struggling to run my estate and she has…she has lived retired.”

“She’s been living down an unfortunate disappointment with a fortune hunter,” Howard said briefly. Harriet glared at him and he held up his hands in a gesture of surrender, smiling. “Don’t eat me. You must have known I’d make enquiries. It doesn’t sound as though she was guilty of anything worse than poor judgement of a bad character. To be honest I don’t understand why she hid herself away.”

“Nor do I,” Harriet said frankly. “I’ve always thought it was odd. I’m very glad she is moving out into society again. And that…I mean that she may be considering…or you may be considering…”

She stopped, not knowing how to continue. To her surprise and relief, the brown eyes were dancing with amusement.

“Let’s assume that we’re all considering but that nobody has made up their mind. What else do you think your aunt wants to know?”

Harriet took a deep breath. “You spoke about your father’s origins, but he must have made a good deal of money. Do you mind me asking…?”

“Not at all, I’m proud of it. My father was a humble weaver’s son, born in a two-roomed cottage and taught to weave as soon as he was old enough. It was the family industry. By the time he was ten he’d decided he wanted more. He saved to buy a pack mule and started going further afield. Selling his family’s cloth but also buying cheaply from other cottages and selling for a profit. He worked hard, saved his brass and at twenty-five he bought a rundown water mill and set up his first factory. So yes, ma’am. In answer to your Aunt’s question, I am indeed a weaver’s brat.”

Harriet was shaken but rallied determinedly. “No wonder you’re so proud of it. I would be myself.”

He gave a chuckle and shook his head. “You have no idea, Mrs Faversham.”

Unexpectedly, Harriet was angry. “Neither have you, Sir Matthew. I’m sorry about any hardship you might have experienced in your youth, but I think if we compared our current circumstances, you’d find them very different. I spend my life juggling money to keep a roof over my head and to run my estate. My house is damp and cold and the kitchen range smokes so badly that I can’t keep a cook more than one winter. Every year we lose at least one sheep to the cold or the snow and that’s a man’s wages or my new winter cloak. There’s a reason this one is so badly patched. I can tell you the cost of a section of new roof tiles to the inch and I groom all my horses myself to save the cost of an extra man. I also light my own fires and my ladies maid is also my housemaid and my unofficial housekeeper. I don’t pay her enough. Every year I wonder if I’m going to make it through the next one. I admire how well you have pulled yourself out of your humble beginnings. I would ask you to show me the same respect.”

There was a long silence. Harriet stalked through the next puddle without pretending to need assistance and blinked back angry tears. She realised they had walked a long way ahead of the rest of the party but she did not slow down. She needed some time to compose herself.

“I’m sorry,” Sir Matthew said abruptly. “I’ve behaved like a boor. I don’t usually. I know all the rules and I’m good at following them but you…Christ, woman, you’ve ploughed through all my defences without raising your head. That was unforgiveable. I’m so sorry. Can we go back to where I’d not insulted you yet?”

Harriet was so surprised that she could not speak for a moment. She looked up at him cautiously. He looked very upset.

“Sir Matthew, I’m sorry too. I should never have said that.”

“Yes, you should. If we’re sharing confidences it should go both ways. Your husband was an arsehole. I’m sorry he left you in such difficult circumstances. I might be a weaver’s brat, but I’d no right to assume anything about you. You’re remarkable. It’s a privilege to have met you.”

Harriet was so surprised that she could think of nothing to say. They walked in silence for a while. His next remark was about the weather, and completely unexceptionable and she answered it in kind. Slowing their pace, they allowed the others to catch up with them. The conversation became general and on the return walk, Lady Broughton walked beside them and asked Sir Matthew about his children. Harriet found it very soothing.

***

Matthew did not often accept invitations to this kind of leisurely country house party. Largely it was because he was too busy. The mills consumed most of his time and he liked to spend what was left with his children. He firmly believed that success was achieved by hard work and did not understand those of his contemporaries who chose to leave the day to day running of their mills to their managers and overlookers. He kept an office at the largest of his premises and made a point of arriving at his desk every morning before his workforce began filing through the gates. He employed clerks and men of business as well as engineers, but he made sure that he understood enough about every aspect of his business to know if a man was stealing, shirking or trying to fob him off with excuses.

He was respected as a good businessman. In Thorndale that meant that he was shrewd, hard-headed and ruthless in matters of trade. He paid his bills on time, expected others to do the same and had no patience with a supplier or a tradesman who failed to do their job properly. He considered himself a fair employer, who paid good wages for a day’s work but was quick to dismiss the lazy and the feckless.

Sir Matthew Howard was proud of what he had built and had every intention of improving on it. A second marriage was the next logical step. He had four growing children, and although he had no concerns for the boys, his girls should have a mother. He had welcomed Broughton’s offer to introduce him to Clara Danbury and he had thought she might answer the purpose.

Meeting her cousin had thrown him into confusion. Harriet’s frank disclosures about her unhappy marriage and her current state of genteel poverty had surprised, but not shocked him. He admired her independence and her determination not to be a charge on any of her family. He also liked her courage. There was steel in Harriet Faversham’s character which touched an answering chord in him.

She was also attractive. Her cousin had a pale prettiness which he had found charming. Matthew was not looking for a wife to dazzle local society and he had told himself that at thirty-nine, he wanted companionship rather than excitement. He wondered now why it had never occurred to him to consider how he felt about going to bed with Clara. He was trying hard not to think about going to bed with Harriet. Nothing could be more unsuitable.

In this bewildered state of mind, he would have welcomed the distraction of work. Instead he was faced with long days of relative idleness. The Broughtons were easy-going hosts, who provided their guests with a choice of activities but did not mind at all if any of them elected not to join in. Breakfast was a casual meal, where dishes were set out on the sideboard and guests wandered in when they chose. Mrs Arbuthnot and Lady Stanhope, the two oldest ladies in the party preferred to take tea and toast in their rooms before dressing to face the day.

During the day, depending on the weather, the gentlemen could join the hunt or go shooting with their host. Matthew had not been born to such pursuits and had no interest in either. He liked to ride and had brought his own horse, so found himself much in demand as an escort to those ladies who wished to ride out but did not choose the rigours of the hunting field. Miss Danbury joined the riding party once but generally remained in the house, writing letters or reading. Mrs Faversham rode every day. Her riding habit was disgracefully shabby and very out of date. There was an excellent dressmaker in Thorndale and Matthew found himself wishing he could take her there and tell her to choose whatever she liked. It was a ridiculous idea and did not help his present predicament.

It was not the weather for such games as croquet or shuttlecock, but on wet afternoons Lady Broughton valiantly organised charades and word games. Dinner was a lengthy, formal affair and afterwards there were more cards, music or games. Matthew slipped away as often as he could to write long lists of instructions to his managers and overlookers. He also penned an affectionate note to his children, in which he recommended that his sons continue to attend to their studies, his elder daughter work hard at her needlework and watercolours and his youngest daughter refrain from bringing an injured fox into the schoolroom. The letter of complaint from the governess had been lengthy and detailed and Matthew sensed the threat of resignation behind every line.

He was concerned enough to mention it to his hostess at dinner. Lady Broughton listened with an expression of growing bewilderment which made Matthew think he had made a mistake. When he finished his story, there was a brief painful silence.

“We have trouble keeping a governess for long,” he said, somewhat feebly. “It isn’t so important for the boys. They had a tutor and now they go to school. But for the girls…”

“My goodness, how awkward for you, Sir Matthew,” her ladyship said warmly. “Those girls need a mother, of course.”

Matthew made a determined effort not to look over at Miss Danbury. He could not help himself however. He was relieved to find that she was definitely not looking at him.”

“In time, I hope so, ma’am. But at present…”

“At present they need a better governess,” Harriet Faversham said cheerfully. “What a fuss about an injured fox cub. I presume it was a cub? How old is your daughter?”

“She’s six,” Matthew said gratefully. “Though she often seems much older. I suppose she learns from the others. Though they never seemed to do the things she does.”

“I hope the poor animal was not thrown out into the cold?”

“No. Apparently Anne persuaded one of the grooms to find it a bed in the stables until its leg healed. Miss Price is very upset though. She is convinced it had fleas and…and I don’t think many governesses know what to do with an injured fox cub.”

“Your daughter requires discipline, sir,” the Rector said sternly. “A child of that age to be causing such disruption in the household! And a girl, at that!”

“A girl?” Harriet said dangerously. Matthew looked at her and realised miserably that this conversation was now completely out of his control. The servants arrived to remove the first course and there was a bustle of dishes being set down and wine being replenished. He hoped it would distract the company from his family difficulties but Mr Robinson clearly had a good memory.

“My dear Mrs Faversham, I understand your feelings,” he said indulgently, as the butler poured the final glass and set the bottle down within reach. “You have no children of your own, so it must be difficult for you to imagine…”

“Do you have children?” Harriet interrupted ruthlessly.

Robinson looked astonished. “I…no of course not. You must know I am unmarried.”

“I was just checking,” Harriet said inexcusably. There was a collective gasp around the table and young Mr Stansfield, who had drunk his wine rather too quickly, giggled.

The Rector chose to overlook Harriet’s rudeness. “I have no family of my own, although I would hope to one day. However, with my experience of ministering to many families, I believe that poor Sir Matthew has fallen into error. It is not his fault. He has no wife to help him and the youngest child never knew her mother. Naturally she has been indulged and become spoiled. A little discipline will soon set the problem right.”

“What kind of discipline do you recommend for a child who cares enough about an injured animal to risk the anger of her governess?” Harriet asked with apparent interest.

The butler cleared his throat noisily. “Will that be all, my lady?”

“Yes, thank you, Dransfield,” Lady Broughton said with alarming cheerfulness. “Well, I hope you manage to placate your governess, Sir Matthew. Try the duck. It is my cook’s own recipe and I think it is excellent.”

Matthew ate the duck gratefully, while his hostess skilfully steered the conversation into safer waters. He wondered if he was going to survive another few days of this or if he could invent a fox-related crisis and go home early. He had never felt less inclined to propose to anybody in his life.

The following day was Sunday. It was bright and sunny, although cold, and Lady Broughton proposed a carriage expedition into York to attend service at the Minster. Matthew was not a regular churchgoer but as both Miss Danbury and Mrs Faversham chose to go, he decided that it would be good for his soul. With only a few more days of this interminable house party, he realised he was going to have to make up his mind. Either he would have to propose to Miss Danbury, or he should withdraw decidedly and make no attempt to see her again.

He did not think he would break her heart. This past week he had spent enough time around her to convince him that, whatever her view of his suit, her affections were not engaged. Like him, she had made up her mind to marry, and he was wealthy, available and not so far beneath her socially that she would be cut off from family and friends. In her younger days, she might have done better, but her unfortunate romance had closed many doors. Matthew did not think she pined after high society and thought they might do well enough together.

The sticking point was his children. One of the main reasons for marrying again was to provide a stepmother, particularly to his girls. He thought Katie might do well enough with Clara Danbury’s placid good nature but he could not imagine what might happen with Anne. He was not sure, having no real experience with small girls, but he suspected that Anne was difficult.

He was still mulling over the problem during the lengthy, but rather lovely, service at the Minster. Afterwards they went for sherry with one of the Deacons who was a friend of the Broughtons and then walked through the narrow streets of the city to the Star Inn where Lord Danbury had reserved a private parlour for a late breakfast or possibly early luncheon.

Matthew did not usually eat at this hour, but the food was good and the wine excellent. He ate and drank and listened to the Rector holding forth on church politics. It was not particularly interesting but it kept the company busy through the meal and Matthew was grateful.

Afterwards they strolled through the cobbled streets, went up to admire Clifford’s Tower and then strolled along the river. Matthew walked between Clara and Harriet and thought again, with a sinking heart, that he was running out of time. His hosts had invited him with the specific purpose of helping him decide whether he wanted to propose to Clara Danbury. If he did not, he needed to withdraw gracefully and swiftly, and leave the woman to search for a new husband. He was worried that he had already raised expectations and that he would leave her disappointed and floundering if he did not propose after all.

He wished he could have an honest conversation with Clara, to ask what she wanted. The fact that he could not, told him what he should already have known. It would be a marriage of convenience. Sometimes that worked very well but Matthew was not convinced that it would on this occasion.

Back at the house he went to his room and wrote letters. He wrote to his shed manager and his man of business and his estate manager. He wrote to three of his suppliers and a man in London who had promised to put him in touch with a gentleman with contacts in the army. He wrote to his children again.

Eventually he ran out of letters to write. It was close to the dinner hour so he summoned his valet, washed and changed, then went down to the drawing room. He was early and nobody else was present, so he went outside into the glowing red of a winter sunset and found Harriet Faversham on the terrace admiring the view.

“Sir Matthew. Isn’t it beautiful?”

“Yes. I love a good sunset at this time of year. Summer is lovely of course, but you have to wait so long for it. On a fine winter’s day, you can have all the glory much earlier.”

She gave a delighted laugh. “That’s so true. Winter sunrise is the best. One has had enough sleep and suddenly there it is. Have you heard anything more from your grumpy governess? I have been thinking about your little girl. She sounds interesting.”

Matthew laughed. “Anne? Oh God. Anne is…yes, she’s interesting. I don’t know how to manage Anne. She’s so clever and so determined and I feel as though I need to make her my job, all of the time. But I can’t. I love her. But she drives me mad.”

“She needs a stepmother,” Harriet said gently.

“I know. It’s why I’ve considered marrying your cousin.”

“Clara is very kind.”

Unexpectedly, Matthew felt his reserve drain away. “I know she is. But she’s not…she has no idea. She’s so sure how things ought to be. But I’m not sure she has much idea about how things really are. I think she might be miserable as my wife. And I think I might be miserable as her husband.”

There was a long silence. Then Harriet said:

“Then you should not marry her.”

Matthew was silent for a while. Eventually he said:

“Do you think you’ll ever marry again?”

“No. I wasn’t happy as a wife.”

“Don’t you think that might have had something to do with your husband?”

“Perhaps. But a man needs a woman he can rely upon.”

“A woman needs a man she can rely upon. I’m considered fairly reliable.”

He could not believe he had said it. The silence grew. Finally Harriet looked up.

“We couldn’t,” she said simply.

Matthew felt his heart leap at her immediate understanding. He had been telling himself that this was all his imagination and that his fierce attraction and strong bond with this woman was entirely one-sided. She had swept aside that notion with a sentence. She had still said no.

“Oh Christ, Harriet. How can I marry her now that I’ve met you?”

“Matthew, I’ve not agreed to marry you. Or anybody. I’m serious about that. Marriage was a burden to me. I’d rather be alone.”

“No you wouldn’t. I can show you how good it can be. I wasn’t that bad at it myself, though I think I let my poor wife down at times. Still, I’ve learned. I could make you happy.”

“Stop it,” Harriet said fiercely. “We can’t. You’ve spent months courting my cousin, and she has every right to expect a proposal from you. I don’t think you should do it if you’re not sure. But you cannot marry me. She would feel awful. It would be wrong.”

“It would be the most sensible thing I’d ever done. Just tell me that you feel it, Harriet. Tell me it’s not just me.”

She looked up at him and he saw the truth in her eyes. “It’s not just you.”

Matthew took her hand and raised it to his lips. He wanted to take her into his arms but at any moment somebody might come into the room and out onto the terrace and he could not do that to her or to her cousin. He must come to a decision but he realised that he needed to make it without reference to Harriet.

“I think I may have fallen in love with you, Harriet Faversham.”

She looked up at him, squeezing his hand. “I think I might have fallen in love with you too, Matthew Howard. But we were too late and this would not be right. I wish I could have met your children though. They sound remarkable.”

They went back into the house and he endured another dinner and another round of port and another game of cards. He was aware of every word she spoke and every movement she made. His heart was broken and he did not think it would ever be mended.

He awoke early and went out into the crisp darkness, watching the sun come up over the hills. Somehow he was not surprised when she joined him in the garden, long before their hosts or any of the other guests were awake.

“Matthew, I’m leaving today. I’ve invented an excuse about a crisis on the estate. Nobody will be surprised. I’m known for being unsociable. I’m sorry. I can’t stay here and be around you now that I know… Look, you need to speak to Clara. You can’t keep putting this off. Everybody is waiting for the announcement.”

“I’m not sure I can marry her, Harriet. Not now.”

“You should think about it. She will be kind to your children and she’ll be a good wife.”

“I think living with Anne might kill her.”

Harriet laughed aloud. “Don’t be silly. I’m sure Anne is very sweet.”

“She is, to those who can see it. I don’t want you to go.”

“I have to. This is all wrong. I’m going home to get the barn roof fixed. You will marry Clara and be perfectly happy. You and I don’t even know each other that well.”

“I know more about you now than I’ll ever know about her.”

“She’ll be a good wife.”

“I don’t know, Harriet. I’ll think about it.”

“You’ll think more clearly if I’m not here. Thank you for everything. I’m so glad to have met you. It’s taught me what I might have had.”

He felt his heart break all over again, but she had stated her wishes, so he endured through the endless breakfast and the agonising farewells. He stood waving on the drive with the others until the carriage was out of sight then went inside to play charades with his fellow guests. When the rain eased off, Lord Broughton suggested a ride and the gentlemen cantered through country lanes and discussed a shooting party for the following day. Matthew felt hollowed out, as though sadness had left him empty. He was painfully aware that now that Harriet had gone, he needed a frank conversation with her cousin.

There was no opportunity the following day. The weather was fine and Lord Broughton had organised a full day of sporting activities. In the evening, there were guests for dinner and afterwards the drawing room was cleared for dancing. Matthew trod his way through endless country dances and wished every one of his partners to the devil.

There was one more day, and the party was developing the listless sense of guests who were more than ready to depart. Matthew knew that his time was running out. For better or worse he needed to talk to Clara. He knew that Harriet had been right. He could not have jilted her cousin to marry her, even if she would have accepted him. Whether that meant he could choose the marriage of convenience he had always intended, he was still not sure.

To his surprise, Clara made the first move. They had finished breakfast and there was some desultory talk of a carriage ride out to a local beauty spot. The ladies of the party were already instructing their maids about packing, and there was a good deal of conversation about travel arrangements for the following day. Matthew took a walk down to the ornamental lake to stretch his legs. As he came back into the house he was surprised to find Miss Danbury hovering in the hallway.

“Sir Matthew. Did you enjoy your walk?”

“Yes, thank you. It’s cold, but I like the fresh air. Will you be joining us this afternoon to visit Leveret Hall, Miss Danbury? I’m told the grounds are very fine.”

“I do not believe I will. It’s too cold for me, and I have a good deal to do before we leave tomorrow. Sir Matthew, I was wondering if you could spare me a few moments? The breakfast room is free.”

Matthew was astonished, but he recognised a perfect opportunity even if he still had no idea what he wanted to do with it. Practicality and romance warred together in his heart as he followed her into the room. She closed the door. It felt very final. Matthew took a deep breath and spoke.

“I’m glad of the opportunity to speak to you, Miss Danbury. I’ve enjoyed this week but I feel we’ve not had the chance to talk as much as I’d hoped. I know you’re aware…that is, we’ve been getting to know each other, and I…”

“Please, Sir Matthew. Allow me to speak first. This is difficult and somewhat embarrassing.”

Matthew pulled up short, bewildered. He studied her and realised for the first time that she was rather pale and looked upset. He wondered what had happened and for a panicked moment, thought of Harriet and the long journey to her home. He wondered if her cousin had received bad news.

“What is it, Miss Danbury?”

“As you have said, I am aware that we have spent some time together and that certain expectations have been raised. I feel the weight of those now, but I must be honest with you. This past week, I have begun to wonder if we should suit as well as I first thought. Also, I have been made aware of the feelings of…of another gentleman. Yesterday, he spoke to me and made his intentions clear. I cannot, in good faith, do anything other than be truthful.”

Matthew stared at her. He became aware that his mouth was hanging open and closed it quickly. She sounded breathless and terrified, as though she expected him to shout at her, but there was something very resolute about her which drew both his respect and his sympathy.

“Miss Danbury, are you telling me you’ve received a proposal of marriage?”

“Yes. Yes, I have.”

“And you wish to accept it?”

“I do. I am so sorry. I believed that we might..”

“It’s all right,” Matthew said quickly. His heart was singing so loudly that he was surprised she could not hear it. “Is it…I’m guessing it is from Mr Robinson?”

“Yes. I’m sorry, Sir Matthew. It is just that he seems to understand me so well and I feel that…”

Matthew stepped forward, took her hand and kissed it. “Please don’t feel you must explain. I’m very happy for you, ma’am. You owe me nothing; we had no formal agreement. I wish you all the best for your future. He is a lucky man.”

Her face, which had been so pale, flushed with surprised happiness. “Thank you, that is so good of you. He wanted to be with me to tell you, but I thought I owed it to you to do it myself. I have never wanted wealth or position. Just a good man and a quiet life. I think I will have that with him.”

Matthew’s heart was full, not just for his own suddenly revived hopes, but also for her. He thought about how close they had come to a match which would have made neither of them happy.

“I think you will, ma’am. I hope you’ll both be staying for dinner this evening.”

“If it will not be awkward for you?”

“It won’t. If you both agree, I’d like to make the announcement and propose a toast. That will silence any possibility of gossip about it.”

Her face glowed. “I’ll talk to Edward but I’m sure he will say yes. Thank you, sir. You are the best of gentlemen.”

***

The roofer sucked in his breath, shook his head and named an inflated price after his first inspection of the barn. Harriet, who was not in the mood, told him what she thought of his quotation and of the reported standard of his workmanship. She also threw in some comments about his ability to add up a column of figures. The roofer capitulated and they agreed a date to start work.

It rained all week. Harriet rode over her lands, inspecting cattle and flocks. There were several early lambs, flood damage to a footbridge over the brook and a complaint from one of her tenants about a blocked well. She dealt with them calmly and competently, went home to her solitary supper and cried herself to sleep. It was painful but it would pass.

On Sunday she lay late in bed, trying to persuade herself to get up and go to church. She did not always go but liked to make regular appearances. She found the services comforting and thought that it cemented her position as lady of the manor, even with those local gentlemen who thought a woman could not possibly run an estate.

Eventually she dragged herself out of bed and went to wash and dress, deciding that she would miss breakfast until after the service. She was halfway down the stairs when the footman, whose job it was to answer the door, approached her looking bewildered.

“There’s a gentleman to see you, ma’am.”

“If it’s Mr Barratt the roofer, tell him to go away. If he has another problem, I’ll take my business elsewhere. I’m tired of him.”

“No, ma’am. It’s an actual gentleman. He gave me his card.”

The footman sounded impressed. Harriet was not surprised. Visitors were so rare that most of her small staff had never seen a visiting card. She took it and stared at it. Her heart momentarily stopped.

“Is he…I mean has he left?”

“No, ma’am. He’s in the parlour. He wouldn’t go away and I didn’t know where else to put him.”

Harriet wondered if she should teach her servants a little about how to treat visitors.

“That’s all right, Scott. I’m sure he won’t mind.”

Her heart was beating faster as she walked through to the small parlour which she used as her sitting room and study. He was standing with his back to the room, looking out onto the garden. It was not raining for once. Harriet thought that he seemed to fill the room just by entering it and it had nothing to do with his size.

“Sir Matthew. This is a surprise.”

He turned and came forward quickly to take her hand. “Mrs Faversham. I’m sorry to just turn up on your doorstep like this. I sat down to write a letter. In fact, I wrote about eight of them, but none of them would have answered the purpose. It seemed easier just to come in person.”

Harriet returned the pressure of his hand then gently withdrew hers. “I thought we agreed that it was best to leave things as they were,” she said.

“We did and I obeyed your instructions to the letter, ma’am. But you need to be adaptable in matters of business. Things can change very suddenly and it’s important to be ready to take advantage or you’ll miss your chance.”

“Did something change?”

“I really hope that your feelings haven’t, lass, or I’m here making a fool of myself. Have they?”

“It doesn’t matter. We agreed that my cousin…”

“Your cousin doesn’t want me. Turned me down flat in favour of the vicar. They’re to be married quietly and will spend their lives happily nursing their imaginary ailments and quailing at the sight of a speck of dust on the furniture.”

Harriet stared at him in astonishment. “She turned you down?”

He grinned at her tone. “Well that surprise is very flattering and more than a little hopeful. It’s an interesting place you’ve got here.”

Harriet had no idea what to say. Making an effort to gather her scattered wits, she latched onto his last, although least important, remark with relief.

“Would you like me to show you around?”

The warmth of his smile threw her into confusion again. “I would, ma’am.”

Harriet accepted his arm with a growing feeling of happiness. As they wandered through the rooms of the abbey. Harriet could not help thinking back to the first time she had come here with Charles. One of the things she still remembered fondly about him was his love for his ancestral home. He had been a fount of fascinating history and scandalous stories about the Faversham family, who had occupied Westhorpe since the sixteenth century when Henry VIII had evicted the monks and sold off the lands.

“Charles used to say that the original Sir Henry Faversham was granted the abbey as a reward for looking the other way when the King seduced his wife. It might have been true; it was a generous grant.”

“It’s one way of doing it,” Matthew said. “Myself I’d rather earn my fortune through hard graft and tell his Grace where to go if he looked the wrong way at my wife, but I’m guessing that wasn’t the Faversham way.”

Harriet laughed. “It was with some of them. Sir George Faversham was Charles’ great-grandfather. They found coal on his land and he made an impressive fortune out of it and improved the family lands through the study of modern agricultural methods. Come through to the great hall and look at his portrait. It’s the largest one there.”

They stopped at the foot of the stairs, studying the serious looking gentleman who had been painted against a background of farmland, with a hunting dog beside him.

“Very nice. I notice there’s no sign of the coal mines in that painting though. I bet they kept the source of his fortune as quiet as they could.”

She gave a gurgle of laughter. “They certainly didn’t make much of it when I joined the family. The mine was closed down some years ago. There are rumours that there’s still a fortune in coal down there but it was too expensive to get it out, and the family felt it was not worth it.”

He gave a flicker of a smile. “I wouldn’t mind a look round the old works some time. If the lady of the manor would agree to take me.”

“I’ll gladly come with you, but we’d need to take old Jack Taylor from the village with us. He knows the site well and can point out the dangerous spots. Do you know much about coal mining?”

“Not as much as I’d like to. I’m always willing to learn.”

Harriet studied him with her head on one side. She realised he was speaking the simple truth. “I believe you. Come and see the cloisters then, and I’ll teach you all about the Benedictines who once lived here. There’s supposed to be a ghostly brother.”

“I’m not sure there’s much profit to be found in spectral monks, but I’m still happy to learn. Lead the way.”

They went out into the cool stone cloisters. For Harriet they held memories of both her brother and Charles and it seemed strange to be walking there with this solid, down-to-earth man who could not have been more different. She was very conscious of the state of the house: the patches of damp and faded old furnishings, though he said nothing about them until they arrived back in the parlour. She offered refreshment then had to go to the door to call to the maid for tea because the bell pull had not worked for years.

He followed this with some amusement, accepted the seat she offered and watched as she sat in her favourite armchair, which badly needed recovering.

“It’s a beautiful old house, Mrs Faversham, but it’ll take a tidy sum to make it comfortable again.”

For a moment she was shocked and then angry. “It’s my home, Sir Matthew. I’ve no intention of selling it.”

He looked startled. “Lass, that’s not what I meant. I wouldn’t dream of asking you to sell it. Why would I? I was just saying…actually, I haven’t really said it at all, have I?”

“No,” Harriet said.

“I suppose I thought…when we spoke before you left me to my fate at the Broughtons, I had the impression that if things had been different…” He broke off, studying her, his expression suddenly worried. “Why do you think I came, Harriet?”

His use of her name caused her heart to skip a beat. “I suppose to tell me that you were not betrothed to my cousin. I still cannot believe she chose that skinny churchman over you. She never had the least sense.”

He grinned. “That’s more like it. I don’t agree with you, but keep thinking that way. I came to ask you to marry me, Harriet. Please don’t ask me to go down on one knee or make a big declaration. You know I love you. I think we could be very happy together. It’s a lot to ask. I’ve four children as you know, as well as a big house and a lot of responsibility. I hope you like Helton Ridge. It’s nothing like this place. It’s a house, but I’ve never really made it into a home. I’m hoping…look, I’m grateful to Clara. But for her, I’d have made a stupid mistake. I was wiser when I was young and married for love. It wasn’t perfect but we were happy. I like to think I can do even better now. Could you?”

Harriet rose and walked towards him. “I had no intention of marrying again, Matthew.”

He stood up and took her hands in his, bending to kiss her. “Given your first marriage, I don’t blame you. Will you give it a try? With me?”

She was smiling as she reached up to kiss him. The kiss was very satisfying. He seemed content to take it as his answer. They finally moved apart as the maid arrived with the tea tray. Harriet poured, thinking how odd it was to be concentrating on such a mundane task when her heart was overflowing with joy.

“I’ll drink this and be off for a bit, because I’ll need to find a bed for the night. I didn’t really plan this very well, but your man said there’s a decent inn in Southwell. It gets dark so early still, but I’ll be back tomorrow morning and…”

“Stay here,” Harriet said. She saw his eyes widen in surprise then he smiled.

“I’d love to, Harriet, but I don’t want to put you or your servants out, making up rooms and cooking meals. And you know how people gossip.”

“My servants are as capable of getting dinner for two as for one, and I don’t care at all about gossip. We’re both adults and we’re going to be married. My staff have been with me for years, they’ll be delighted for me. As for the bed, you can sleep in the guest room if you wish, but you’ll have to make it up yourself and the sheets won’t have been aired.” Harriet gave a warm smile. “Or you can stay with me, Matthew. Where you belong.”

***

They chose to be married in the parish church in Thorndale at the beginning of May. Matthew would happily have given her an elaborate ceremony and a lengthy wedding journey, but Harriet sensed that he was relieved at her refusal.

“If we have a big wedding, I will have to invite all my most irritating relations. And poor Aunt Amabel needs time to recover from the shock of this. We’ll invite her to Yorkshire later in the year and she will be very happy when she sees how well I have done for myself. I know that you don’t really want to be away from the mills for that long and I have so many plans for the house. Also I want to get to know the children.”

He was visibly nervous on her first visit to Helton Ridge. Harriet tried hard to hide her own nerves. She was looking forward to meeting the children, but she had never been a stepmother before and she experienced a sudden panic in case she turned out not to be good at it.

The children met her in the hall under the stern eye of Miss Price, the governess. The boys were tall, dark and very like Matthew, particularly Arthur. They were on their best behaviour but could not hide their lively curiosity about her. When encouraged, they opened up freely, asking her so many questions about herself, her family and her home that Harriet had to beg them to slow down so that she could keep up with the answers. Katherine, at eight, was fairer in colouring, like her mother according to Matthew. She was a little shy but stayed close to Harriet, drinking in every detail of her appearance and hanging on every word. Harriet decided that she was very much in need of an affectionate and sympathetic stepmother. Matthew remained on the edge of the group, to give the children time to get to know her. He looked pleased.

Harriet wondered why everybody was pretending not to notice that the youngest member of the family was missing.

She had suggested to Matthew that for this first day, they dine early and with the children. He looked surprised, which told her that he took the traditional view that children should eat separately in the nursery. On the whole Harriet agreed with him, but she wanted today to be about them.

The weather was so fine, that it was agreed that dinner should be a picnic on the back lawn. Harriet approved this neat solution and Matthew went away to speak to the kitchen staff, while the boys and Katherine raced off in search of rugs and tablecloths, and garden chairs for the adults. Left alone, Harriet slipped quietly upstairs in search of the nursery wing. She found it easily but there was no sign of Matthew’s youngest daughter.

She was just considering her next move when she heard running footsteps along the corridor outside the day nursery. She went to the door and looked out and the child stopped so abruptly that she almost rocked back on her heels.

There was a surprised silence. Then the girl said:

“Oh. You’re here.”

Harriet surveyed the truant. The child was dark, more so even than the boys. Her hair was straight and she wore it in a long plait, which had probably started the day neatly tied with ribbons but was now straggling loose. Her dress matched Katherine’s, pale blue over a white petticoat except that Anne’s was splashed with mud around the hem and had a tear in the sleeve. The child’s hands were dirty.

Despite all this, she was extraordinarily pretty. Harriet thought she seemed tall for her age. Her eyes were very dark, fringed with long lashes. She was studying Harriet thoughtfully.

“Yes, I’m here. Weren’t you expecting me?”

“Oh yes, but I thought you’d be later. Or maybe it is later. I was skimming stones at the brook with Peter and I forgot the time.”

Harriet could not resist smiling. “That’s very easy to do. I think you must be Anne.”

“And you must be my new stepmother. Or I suppose you’re not yet, but you soon will be. You’re very pretty. Where’s my father? Is he very angry?”

Harriet noted that the child did not seem particularly worried, which told her something about Matthew’s relationship with his children.

“I don’t know. He didn’t mention it. I think he was hoping I wouldn’t notice you were missing.”

“Well that was silly,” Anne said. “I mean you seem clever and you can count. You were bound to notice. I hope I haven’t missed dinner.”

“You haven’t. Your father has agreed we are to have a picnic on the back lawn and has gone to make the arrangements.”

“A picnic? Well if I’d known that, I’d have come home sooner.” Anne surveyed Harriet. “I am sorry. I really didn’t mean to be so late and I didn’t mean to be rude. I just forget the time. I hope Papa doesn’t say I must miss the picnic.”

“I think at your age I forgot the time a lot as well. Don’t worry about it, he won’t be angry with you. Though I think it might help if you arrive looking less like a gypsy. Let’s get you washed and tidied up and I’ll do your hair for you again, then we’ll go down.”

Wide dark eyes surveyed her seriously then Anne held out her grubby hand and smiled. It was dazzling. For a moment, all Harriet could think about was the effect that smile was going to have on the local young gentlemen in a few years time. She managed not to say anything and took the child’s hand.

“Thank you,” Anne said. “I am glad you’ve come. You seem very nice and I think I’m going to like having a stepmother. What should we call you? Papa didn’t tell us. I think I’d like to call you Mama, because I never knew mine so you’re my first one really. But George and Arthur remember our mother so they might not agree. What do you think?”

Harriet meekly allowed herself to be towed to the girls’ bedroom. “We’ll talk about it later, Anne. I think you’ll all have to agree; it will be confusing if you call me different names.”

“I suppose that’s true. Don’t worry, I’ll talk the boys round. I always do.”

Harriet reached for a hairbrush. “I believe you,” she said faintly.

Anne flashed another smile. “Well you should call me Nan. All the family do. And don’t worry about it. You’ll get used to me very quickly. Even Papa doesn’t get cross that often, though he did once say that the man I marry is going to need nerves of steel and a constitution of iron. I’ve lost my ribbon. Never mind, a white one will have to do. Oh, I just remembered. I should have said welcome to Helton Ridge, Mrs Faversham.”

***

Matthew watched them approach, walking hand in hand across the smooth grass. The boys and Katherine were setting out the picnic, already squabbling over the lemonade. He could hear Anne chattering happily to his fiancée. Briefly he considered reprimanding her for her late appearance, but the day was so perfect he did not want to spoil it.

Anne raced to help set out the food and Matthew went to kiss Harriet. She was smiling and looked relaxed and happy.

“I see you found our truant. I’m glad you’ve met her and haven’t run away yet. If you can manage Nan, you can manage anything.”

“Even you, Matthew?”

He looked down at her, a smile curving his lips. “Especially me,” he said, feeling very content. “Come and join the party before they eat all the beef patties. They’re like a flock of vultures and I’m hungry. And have some champagne.”

She allowed him to seat her in a garden chair, accepted a glass of champagne then watched as he joined his children, unpacking the food baskets. Glancing back at her, Matthew thought he had never been happier in his life.

Welcome to Kaunas

Welcome to Kaunas

Welcome to Kaunas, as Writing with Labradors tackles a whole new challenge. Leaving the Peninsular War and Royal Navy behind for a short time, I’ve arrived in Lithuania as a medical tourist to get my right hip replaced.

 

 

I’ve written before about the difficulties I’ve had getting treatment for severe osteoarthritis in my hips. After a lot of heart searching and even more research, my husband and I decided to take the plunge and go overseas for the operation. We read a lot about Lithuania, particularly the Nord Clinic in Kaunas, joined a patient group on Facebook and before Christmas we booked to make the trip, leaving Oscar and Alfie in the care of Jon, Anya and Anya’s partner Ollie.

Largely because of how much worse my mobility has got over the past year, we’ve not travelled much. I had a relaxed break in Mallorca at the end of 2023 and a few short trips to visit family or to attend conferences during 2024. This trip to Kaunas hardly counts as a holiday but there was still a sense of anticipation as Christmas came and went and it was time to pack for the journey.

In the chaos of packing, organising the house and trying to get the broken central heating fixed before setting off, it didn’t occur to me I was going to be nervous, but the day before we were due to travel I unexpectedly realised I was absolutely terrified. It suddenly seemed insane that I was about to set off to a country I’d never visited to have a major operation. No matter how much I’d read about the excellent record and glowing testimonials for the Nord Clinic I wanted to cancel the whole thing and go back to bed. My poor husband patiently talked me down from my panic, soothed my tearful moments and reminded me how much better my life would get when I could walk my dogs on the beach or in the forest again.

Travelling off island in winter is always a slightly risky proposition and we watched the weather reports with growing concern as snow and ice were predicted. This is seldom too much of a problem on the island but it’s a different matter in the UK and on Sunday morning we woke to news that whole areas of the UK had been affected and that Liverpool airport was temporarily closed while they tried to clear the runways and de-ice the plane. We went to Ronaldsway and waited, stress rising as the flight was delayed, then delayed again. We were due to stay overnight in Liverpool but if we didn’t make it that day we would miss our connecting flight on Monday to Kaunas and the whole thing would have to be rearranged.

A day of stress, virtually no food and complete exhaustion ended with us collapsing into bed in the Liverpool Airport Premier Inn. We got to the airport so late that it was closed and the passenger assistance we had booked completely failed, leaving us stranded on the plane. I’d like to give a heartfelt shout out to the EasyJet pilot, Mark. It wasn’t his job to wait behind with us, to chase up a man with a wheelchair or to personally help Richard to get me down the icy steps from the plane. He then went off to track down our checked-in luggage and escorted us to the taxi rank to make sure I was okay. That man went well beyond the call of duty and I’ll never forget how kind he was.

Things went much better the following day and we arrived in a snowy Kaunas to be met by the Nord Clinic driver who took us to the Hotel Kaunas. Fear of not making it in time was now replaced by fear of something going wrong with the pre-operation check-up which would prevent me having the surgery. I have no idea why I thought this might be an issue. Apart from the arthritis I’m in excellent health, very seldom get so much as a cold and had no reason to think that had suddenly changed. It turns out that pre-battle nerves can take some strange forms.

Fortunately my fears turned out to be as unnecessary as my patient husband had said they would be. All was well at the clinic this morning and with the knowledge that the surgery can go ahead, along with my first experience of the kindness and professionalism of the Nord Clinic staff, my mood improved significantly. Suddenly I realised I was in a new city, the snow had mostly gone, though it was cold and drizzling rain and I wanted to go out.

Richard made faint murmuring sounds about whether it was wise to go for a walk when the pavements are still covered in slush and I forgot to bring my walking stick from home. He didn’t really argue for long though. I’d spent far too long inside over the past few days, perched on uncomfortable airport seats or wedged painfully into airplane seats without enough leg room. I set off with a mission; I wanted to see the river and at least a little bit of the old town. Richard had a mission of his own which was to buy me a new walking stick before I killed myself.

Both missions were successful. We made it down to the old town despite slightly miserable weather and once we got there, Richard gleefully spotted some rather lovely hand carved walking sticks in a shop which sold local arts and crafts. The shopkeeper helped me to test for the right size and I was delighted with my new stick, for several reasons. It will enable me to make the most of my limited visit to Kaunas before I’m laid up after the operation. It will also be a rather lovely souvenir. Finally, it made me think affectionately of my late father, who bequeathed me a fine collection of walking sticks, mainly because of the number of times he left home without his and had to buy a new one while he was away. I felt like a bit of an idiot for forgetting mine but I’m rather pleased now. I just have to make sure I don’t leave this one in the hotel room.

Our hotel is on the Laisvės Alėja which translates as Liberty Boulevard. It is apparently the longest pedestrian street in Eastern Europe and was mostly built in the late nineteenth and early twentieth century. On our way down to the old town we passed an open square with several statues and a memorial plaque. It looks a little bare at this time of year though I suspect it must be pretty in the summer months. The plaque tells a tragic story from a very different era to the one I’m used to reading and writing about. It is a memorial to Romas Kalanta, a 19-year-old Lithuanian student who killed himself by self-immolation in an act of protest against the Soviet regime in Lithuania. 

At noon on 14 May 1972, Kalanta poured three litres of petrol over himself and set himself on fire in the square in front of the Kaunas State Musical Theatre where, in 1940, a puppet legislature had declared the establishment of the Lithuanian Soviet Socialist Republic and petitioned the Soviet Union to admit Lithuania as one of the soviet socialist republics. He left a note on a bench which blamed the regime for his death. Kalanta’s suicide. His death provoked a wave of anti-Soviet public demonstrations throughout 1972 and 1973 including 13 other suicides by fire. 

I’d done a little reading about the history of Lithuania before setting out on this trip, so I knew the outline of its struggle with the Soviet Union. Reading about a nineteen year old giving his life in such a horrific way brought the background sharply into focus. As always, it’s the story of individuals that makes history real for me and this was such a sad one.

There are some lovely buildings in the old town, though slippery streets and some major building work meant I was cautious about exploring as much as I wanted to. I really took a liking to this particular house though. It’s known as the House of Perkunas which means the House of Thunder and was named after a sculpture of the god Perkunas which was found in the house during some renovations in 1818. The house was built at the end of the fifteenth century by a wealthy townsman and was later the home of a famous Jesuit historian. In 1844 the first drama theatre in Kaunas was established there. In 1991 it was returned to the Jesuits and is now used for educational purposes as well as housing a museum dedicated to the poet Adam Mickiewicz.

 

By the time I staggered back to the hotel I was in some pain, though delighted with myself for walking so far. We rewarded ourselves with coffee and pastries in the coffee shop next to the hotel. Being restricted in what I can do and where I can go has been a big problem for me and I was pleased to have seen even a little bit of Kaunas. I have a whole day tomorrow and if the weather allows and I feel up to it, I’m hoping to walk over to the castle and get in a tiny bit of history tourism to go along with my medical tourism.

 

We found a lovely restaurant last night, called the Wood Fired Kitchen. It’s directly opposite our hotel and given its extensive menu, nice atmosphere and good beer we’ve decided not to be too adventurous with eating out and to go back there. It’s tempting to feel I should explore but this week I’m happy with familiarity. I’ve been very impressed so far with how friendly the people of Kaunas have been. Many of them speak some English and I’ve found them very welcoming and helpful.

Thanks to everyone who has sent me good luck messages over the past few weeks. I’ll keep everybody updated with how things are going and hopefully, with how work is progressing while I’m convalescing. After all, there are always stories to be written.

Signing off for today from Writing with Labradors does Lithuania. Looking forward to a new hip and some new adventures once this operation is done.

Welcome to 2025 from Writing with Labradors

Welcome to 2025 from Writing with Labradors. It’s New Year’s Eve on the Isle of Man and it’s foul weather; high winds and driving rain. After zooming around outside like a lunatic earlier, Oscar is very happy to snooze the afternoon away in my study, snuggled up on the sofa. Sadly for him, his younger brother is bored.

“Muuuuummm! Tell Alfie to stop wrecking the sofa. Look what he’s done to it again.”

“Alfie, don’t do that. It’s not good for the sofa and neither of you can settle properly like that. Down you get and I’ll fix it for you.”

“Sorry Mum. I’m just bored. Can I go outside again.”

“Just for a bit. I’ll get my coat.”

 

20 minutes later…

“Muuuuummm! Come and speak to the Ginger Sponge again. He’s come in soaking wet and is lying all over me chewing on his bone. It’s ridiculous, there are two sofas in here.”

“Alfie, come and get dried off before you get on the sofa. And give Oscar a bit more space. There’s plenty of room for two on there. Or use the other sofa.”

 

 

15 minutes later, I’m immersed in work.

“Muuuuuummm! He’s done it again. Look at the state of this. What’s wrong with him?”

“I think he’s just got the fidgets, Oscar. Alfie, come outside again. We’ll play with the new Christmas shark for a bit.”

“You’re not taking Big Shark out in this weather, Mum. He’ll get soaked and probably blow into next door’s garden. And don’t take Blue Octopus either, he hates the rain. Like me. Take Big Puppy.”

“All right. Come on, Alfie.”

20 minutes later, I’m in the kitchen making a cup of tea and trying to dry out.

“Muuuuummm! Look at what’s happened now. Can’t somebody adopt him when it rains? He can come back when it’s dry.”

“No, Oscar. You’d miss him. Come into the living room and I’ll light the fire. There’s more space in there.”

 

“All right. And put a blanket over his head. It might work the same as for parrots.”

“I’m not convinced, Oscar, but we’ll give it a try.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Half an hour later the house is quiet. Working at my desk I can hear the rain against the window panes and the wind blowing somebody’s left-out recycling round the front garden. I can also hear two lots of snoring on the sofa behind me.

“Are you back now, Oscar? Did you get lonely in there?”

“A bit. And look at him – he’s fairly cute when he settles down. Maybe he really is a parrot.”

“Whatever the reason, it’s worked.”

“It was a great idea. I wonder if Anya still has that weighted blanket. That would really do the trick.”

“Don’t even think about it, Oscar.”

 

 

Happy New Year from all of us here at Writing with Labradors. It’s been a very strange year in many ways but despite all the difficulties, it’s ended so much better than it began. I started the year with depression and anxiety and the horrible feeling of not knowing where I was going next. I’ve ended it feeling safe and grounded and ready to face anything.

It’s just as well, because physical health hasn’t gone quite so well this year and my osteoarthritis in both hips has got so bad that it’s severely limiting my mobility. I’m also in constant pain. As mentioned in a previous post, I’m off to Lithuania in a week for my first hip replacement operation. I still can’t entirely believe I’m doing it, but if it gets me back to climbing hills and running along the beach with my dogs again it will be so worth it.

There were some work achievements. I wrote and published book nine of the Peninsular War Saga and a Formidable Frontier is proving very popular. I was offered a three book contract by Sapere Books to write a new Age of Sail series, which I’m working on at present. I published my usual free short stories which my readers seem to have enjoyed. A Provincial Nobody for Valentine’s Day told the story of the first meeting of two well-liked characters from the Manxman series. The Kittiwake at Halloween was a ghost story with a nautical theme. The French Lieutenant brought a little Christmas cheer into the life of a French prisoner-of-war. And a bonus story, An Ungentlemanly Officer took us back to Paul van Daan’s early days in Portugal.

I’m looking forward to writing more books, more short stories, more blog posts and more tales of Oscar and Alfie in 2025 and onward. Thanks to all my readers for your messages, e-mails and fabulous reviews. Your support means so much to me.

In the meantime, it’s still raining but the boys seem to have decided that the sofa is big enough for the both of them after all.

Happy New Year Everybody.

WordPress Appliance - Powered by TurnKey Linux